I am going to call this year ‘Knockville’ because there have been that many knocks I feel like a weighted ten pin bowl that just bounces back up when it’s been knocked down ready for the next round. I’ve never had a year of ups and downs with my singing like this one. The last post I wrote I was getting ready to sing at The Piece Hall in the Yorkshire Proms. 2000 tickets sold. Totally sold out. I was so excited. I kept imagining walking out to a big crowd. It got cancelled the day before. Rescheduled for next year (I don’t know when yet). I spent the weekend crying over that one. Watched Mary Poppins again and cried over that too. I’m still trying to pick myself up from the disappointment of not doing that. My energy hasn’t been the same since. It was like something died inside me and I haven’t got it back yet. All the trying…the chance to work with a big orchestra again and build a bond with them. Didn’t happen.

Everything that happens makes me rethink things and what I am doing. I was meant to go to London on Wednesday to sing for North Harrow Stroke Group for their anniversary. I sang for them in 2017 and they asked me back as one of their favourites, and I woke up and the train had been cancelled. Noone from Northern Rail when I spoke to them on the phone told me I could have got on one of their trains instead of the Grand Central one I was booked on. I was told I wasn’t allowed to get on another train, but when I complained have since been told I could have done. Oh, thanks for that, 2 days too late. Shit train service. Made for the shareholders and not for ‘the people’. I was meant to sing in the Brighouse Arts Festival on Friday and that got cancelled too on Wednesday. Not been marketed enough. I just sat there, and thought ffs, FOR FUCKS SAKE!! I did have a good chat with the guy organising it on the phone and we actually really bonded talking about natural remedies for things (he runs a health shop in Brighouse). Right up my street. I never take anything pharmaceutical. Haven’t done for years. I listen to my body and rest if I need to and have a whole range of natural stuff that I turn to.

So anyway, this is leading to some positive stuff here. It’s not all doom and gloom. Yeah, these things upset me (as I lose work, money, the chance to sing for people and connect to them), so it’s not easy. Most of the venues and people I have contacted recently haven’t replied. I contact theatres, venues, conductors, orchestras, people who know someone who knows someone etc…every man and his dog and I hear nothing back.

What’s happening though is a change in things. A change in the way I think about things and want to do things. There definitely has to be more ‘surrendering’ to the journey I am on right now. The one thing I have found more of this year is my inner power. It looks like I will not being going down any conventional paths any day soon and I have to stay in my own lane. It is clearly all about COMMUNITY and THE PEOPLE.

This is what I have learnt. We are nothing without each other. We, the people. I need the people so much and it’s them that have been helping me this year. The government are not going to do it for any of us. I don’t need them. I don’t want to be governed. Not with that shitshow going on. It’s about on your doorstep community. The Brighouse Arts Festival hasn’t worked because they needed help in getting it out there and it needs rethinking. Myself and a couple of other ladies I know from an Inner Wheel group I joined recently are going tomorrow to chat to the natural health shop man I chatted to, to see if there’s anything we can do tomorrow to reschedule it and make it work for the community. Without community and each other we really are nothing. Without an audience to sing to I am nothing. I’ve done some amazing concert/gigs this year and it’s come out of good people helping me. I was back to Burton in Lonsdale for a second time, then one of the men there, Paul, travelled a 150 mile round trip to see me again yesterday for his birthday. I am back there for a 3rd time next year. I sang for Jigsaw Stroke group in Bolton. For the 3rd time. They have asked me back again next year. I have some cracking concerts for ‘Spot On Lancashire’ coming up over the next few weeks (all on my website at http://www.iamnicolamills.com and more people are asking me to come and sing for their community. I did a pie and peas event in Bolton too. The church was full. Carol (the lady who organised it said she could have sold it twice over). Yesterday, I sang in Greenfield with Greenfield Brass Band conducted by my secondary school music teacher who I haven’t seen in 32 years. Absolutely great. The band were uplifting (I used to play the trombone), the church was full, the church organisers were thrilled too, Tom and Jan came too (the couple who come to see most of what I do. Going to mention them now every time in my blog), people made cakes, the energy was great. It was about sharing and caring and community, and this is what I am realising. I can’t do this without people helping me. I can’t organise anymore stuff and keep going through the stress of getting tickets sold if people in that community don’t help me or know who I am. I’ve sang at Bolton University, sang the Welsh and Irish National anthems at a local rugby match, sang for a group of ladies in Todmorden, and I can’t remember what else. I’ve definitely been busier.

There were two headteachers from different schools in yesterday who both asked if I would go and sing to the children and share my story. I really hope they get in touch because I would LOVE to do that. I have a story. We all do, but mine is about never giving up and following my heart to do my mission, no matter the amount of bumps in the road. A few years back my mission looked very different to what it does now. It was my idea of what my ego wanted. It was fighting to prove myself and trying to achieve something in the business, and now I want community, I want heart and I want help and a sense that it’s win, win for everyone involved. Absolute team effort to get the best outcome for everyone. Audience, venue, organisers, performers. Working together. I needed Carol to get people in for the pie and peas event, I needed Ruth and the people in Burton in Lonsdale to tell people for me. I needed the lady from Jigsaw to keep that group going and give people entertainment. I need those headteachers to get in touch. I need Oldham Music Service to get me involved with whatever they plan. I need people to pass my name on and tell people by word of mouth. I need venues to host me. I need care, not big companies like the railway where the workers hands are tied, and noone at the top really cares about anything but the money. We matter as people. Not just money.

Next Friday I’m going to be on Phoenix Radio from 11 until 1 ( a local Halifax radio station). Just chatting about what I do. This came from someone passing my name onto someone who took the time to sit with me for an hour and help me with some more ways to get things going (funding, people to contact). There are so many good people out there, wanting to do good for their community. I am also meeting a guy on Tuesday from Calderdale something or other who has funding for arts in the community. Let’s start on my own doorstep. Let’s all start on our own doorsteps. Support your local shops and support each other.

The penny is starting to drop. In January I am going to be taking a singing group for a couple of hours at Burnside Centre in Middleton. Helping others to have fun singing, and I have started teaching a few hours a week at St. Anne’s Academy in Middleton too. I’m back singing for Lost Chord in Sheffield who are doing amazing things to bring people together and uplift people. My job is to go wherever life sends me and do my mission of singing to uplift and bring joy to others. There is nothing else to it. My Todmorden show of ‘A Spoonful of Julie’ went really well. Great crowd. I was helped there a lot, and my next show is in Eccles Town Hall on November 19th. After that, I don’t know. I’m still trying to find more venues or places to do it but not having any luck. I just have to trust. Know there is a plan and I just live being me.

This year has been a game changer in so many ways. This time last year I was still single, and now I have a partner with a son, and we now have a dog too. Work has changed in ways I never thought, it’s been up and down like a yoyo, but out of it are coming beautiful things, and chances to do so much to serve others, but to also know I am not alone too. I spent so many years doing things alone and I can’t be that person anymore. I’m no longer a soprano a suitcase and a rucksack travelling from place to place. I’ve put roots down now and the roots of my tree and strong and the buds are just starting to grow. I’m going to make sure it’s big, tall, proud and strong and connects with the world.

Follow me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/iamnicolamills/ and check out my events on http://www.iamnicolamills.com If you know a venue or can pass my name onto other people who may be able to help then do let me know. Thank you. This week I’ll be in Holmfirth on Friday night and Edgworth on Saturday night.