I woke up yesterday and just had the words ‘rise and shine’ in my head.
I’ve heard those words so many times but never really thought about what they actually mean. Why would we say that in the morning as we wake up, but when I thought about it it just makes perfect sense. Rise up and shine!!!!! Talking about shining, I was singing at The Piece Hall in Halifax last week. I did three one hour sessions in the bandstand and I honestly feel it’s the first time I’ve felt like things are really coming together on the inside for myself and my singing. I wasn’t nervous (I had anxiety about it all a few days beforehand as I never usually sing two full on sessions in a day so close together, so I was worried about whether I could vocally cope with it), but on the day itself I just loved it. Every minute of it. I felt like I was really standing in my power and being ME. It was chucking it down most of the time so there wasn’t the usual amount of people, but I still had interactions with people and I did all my having banter with people too. My style of doing it.
A bit of a chat, a bit of a sing, making sure people feel comfortable and connected to. I got free birthday cake from Casey who was 10 and free Vietnamese street food from one of the vans.
I look and think with everything going on right now that I am so very proud of myself for doing it my way and never deviating from that. Noone to answer to or be told what to do by. Cutting out all those middle men and really doing my core work. I feel like I am rising more and more into myself so I can shine more and more for the people and do the mission I came to do in this lifetime, and it is a lovely feeling. Very empowering.
There are times where I just want my old life back. I think ‘I used to travel all the time. I used to ‘do’ things and feel like I had so many adventures, and I had my Julie Andrews show and was excited about going back and forth to America, and now all of that has gone. Even if I travelled again anyway, the world has changed so much it would never be the same kind of experience anyway. New York is not the same place as I knew it to be and there is a part of me that still grieves for that old life. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that I have been able to sing and perform for people this whole time. It has literally kept me going, and it’s helped me to grow immensely on the inside, but I still get offered work in Belgium and I have to turn it down now. There’s no just popping over to somewhere for a few days anymore. The world for me has changed and there is no going back. I don’t know how things will turn out. If I will ever be back in venues. If people will carry on asking me to sing for them in the way I do now. I have stuff steadily now until October and I do trust that more opportunities will come along, but sometimes I just wonder how things will work out and how I will carry on singing for people.
I do feel it’s the start of a new chapter though. I bought myself a new car this week. The one I had was on its last legs and I needed to not be driving a hunk of junk, so I bought myself a nice baby blue coloured Fiat 500. I’m also moving into my own one bedroom flat too in a few weeks. It’s really time for my own space now. I’ve lived with people for years now. The only time I have lived alone is when I lived in Antwerp for the four years I was there, and apart from that I’ve lived with other people. Enough is enough. Tired of following other people’s rules, working around others, thinking of others and being in somebody else’s energy. I need to create my own energy in my own place (I’m still renting), and close my door and it be about ‘me’ and no one else. I cannot wait. It really is about me stepping into me and creating the energy I want my life to be. I feel that really strongly on a spiritual level. I’m looking forward to starting a new chapter. I’m very good at being a people pleaser and putting others needs before my own, and I think I need to start pleasing me a bit more. I honestly just want some personal attention. It to revolve around me sometimes. Not just through singing too, and whilst I’m always thinking of others and working around others it’s not going to happen, and I can’t sit waiting for others to do it. I have to begin with giving myself the attention first and foremost.
Again, I’ve sang for a lot of people since I wrote my last post. I sang for Rosie, belatedly for her birthday at Turton Tower. Someone recorded most of it and sent me a couple of videos and I think it’s the first time I’ve watched myself where I didn’t find all the things wrong with it. I listened and thought ‘I really do have a pretty voice’ and could actually see from a different perspective what I do for people. I haven’t been able to see that before. Been too caught up in what needs improving.
I’ve also done a bit of busking again too. I was up in Richmond a few weeks back (the drive through the Yorkshire Dales was stunning), singing at Kiplin Hall. I was the surprise act inbetween a jazz band. Added pressure because no one was expecting me doing what I do. Then I went to busk in Richmond, and I went down to Kent last week. That was my little adventure. A lady contacted me on Instagram saying would I be up for going down to Kent at some point. When we had our initial contact I was up for it but thought it was probably never going to happen. We say stuff all the time. Oh yeah, I’ll do that knowing that we won’t really, but I chatted a few times to Anne and she offered to put me up, so I thought ‘bugger it’ and went last week. I busked a few times too. One woman just happened to get in touch with me the day after I arrived and asked if I ever come to Kent. Errrrrr, I am in Kent now. I gave her a call and said we can sort something out this week, as she wanted her nanna to hear me sing. I said ‘I’m singing in Deal today’, and lo and behold she just happened to be in Deal with her nanna that day. I was like ‘what are the chances?’ Out of the whole of Kent too, that particular town, and on the same day.
So that was my start to being in Kent. I get a lot of energy when I go to new places to busk, because I know I will be a novelty and it’s new people to sing for. I went to Folkestone and Whitstable too. I wasn’t as keen on Whitstable. Lovely place but not the best place to busk, so I stopped after half an hour, but this girl did come up and dance which was an absolutely highlight. I love it when stuff like that happens. There was a lady the other week too who just started doing some ballet as I sang (never got a video), and then two little girls came up and started dancing too because the other lady had danced. These are the best moments. It really is all about the people and how they feel, and I love things like that happening.
Anyway, back to my Kent trip. I stayed in a horse box all week with no electricity or running water so I really went back to basics, but it was great. Loved it, and the lady who hosted me was great too. A new friend. I got my time by the sea too, which is one of my favourite things to do. That was my adventure.
I’m grateful that I’ve never stopped singing this whole time. I’m grateful that people are asking me back too. It’s my birthday on Sunday and I wanted to keep it singing free, but some people got in touch and said it’s the only day they can do, and would I please come that day, so I’ll be celebrating around it. I never mind singing really but there are times I’d rather not. I’ll be having my chips and peas from the chippy too and have already got my pink champagne ready (I bought it in Northwich the other week when I was singing there as they had a posh Waitrose), so I’ll be keeping my birthday tradition going. Chips and peas and pink champagne.
I do get my disappointments too. I have felt so disappointed so many times over the years. Spirit told me to do the video for The Queen and it went nowhere really, and cost me a lot of money too. I just contacted some people who asked me to sing for them on the 20th, to get the finer details of what they want, and they had found someone else and not communicated it to me. I mentioned that I would use the sound system at the restaurant and they didn’t have one, so they presumed I couldn’t do it but didn’t bother to ask me if I had my own I could use, and didn’t bother to let me know what the situation was. Pissed me off. Now they will have someone who has to travel miles for it when I was down the road. I’ve honestly been at this for years now, singing and singing and singing. I’ve felt for a long time I have a big mission to do and sometimes I just want to be doing it. Not scrabbling around anymore. Someone said to me at The Piece Hall. ‘Why have you not been discovered?’ I don’t know. I don’t fit into the profession or how that operates anymore. I know you have to sell your soul for fame and you are heavily controlled and I like my freedom. I value it over everything. Doing it my way and in my way and sticking to me. It’s taken me years to find it. I’m not waiting for someone else to discover me. I’m busy working on discovering myself and that’s my true job. Having the courage to follow my heart and live from my soul every day.
Onwards and upwards I say. Rising and shining. I also inspired someone else the other day too. This was sent to me.
Have a lovely day everyone wherever you are, and do get in touch if I can help in any way and sing for you or someone you know. It all helps to keep the arts alive and live music thriving.