Hi Everyone, How are you doooooinnn, wherever you are?
I’m really good. I’m living alone again which feels amazing. I’m renting a one bedroomed apartment and it’s only the second time I have lived alone in my life. The other time was when I lived in Antwerp, for 4 years. I love it. I love my apartment and I love closing my door at the end of the day and not having to think of anyone else, or work around other people living with me.
It’s probably around 70 different places I’ve lived and stayed in since 2018 and never on my own, so I’m as happy as a pig in poo right now with it. I needed my own space. I was tired of living with other people. I also wanted my anonymity back. I used to be a real city girl and would love walking about and just doing my thing with noone knowing who I was, and I wanted a bit of that too.
It’s about creating the things I want in life now. Really focussing on who I am and the energy and space I want to create for myself. I was not well for a good four weeks. Just a bit knocked out and dizzy so I had to take it easy, listen to my body and rest. I never think of myself as sick. I just know the body has it’s own super intelligence and it was letting me know things aren’t in balance. So I rested and just did what my body was telling me to do. Time out. It wasn’t easy because my apartment wasn’t ready and I had had to leave my last place because the contract had run out, so I was staying at a friends and knocked out at the same time.
I always go within in life and really tune into my gut instinct and I was told that I am out of balance with my giving and receiving. I’m good at giving to others but not so good at receiving from people, so it has made me rest and think about things and what gives me energy and what drains me of energy. Where do I want my energy to go? I’m just not willing anymore to give it to people and places that don’t serve me.
So the main thing I want is to be singing for people. First and foremost. Only possible though if I am healthy and in balance. I learnt that when I wasn’t so well. I didn’t have the energy to sing songs. I realise how much energy it does take from me now when I couldn’t, but it is the mission of my soul in this lifetime, and it lights me up on the inside every time I can be in service to others. I saw a friend last week after singing and she said ‘you are glowing’. I just feel like I am really stepping into me. I am steadily singing for people. Not as much as this time last year, but the balance of it is better now. I have a life for myself now too, and I think that is healthier. I used to work all the time and totally live my life around it, but I don’t do that as much now. I go and walk in nature, and spend time cooking, making bread and connecting with my friends. I’m not sure where the ‘city girl’ has gone but right now I’m happier keeping it simple.
I’m singing inside again now too sometimes. The other day I was in ‘Croft on Tees’ near Richmond in North Yorkshire. I always like my drive up there because I can go through the Yorkshire Dales, but it was great to just have a roof over my head and walls to sing against. Ha Ha. Luxury to have a building and some acoustics. Never thought I would be saying that. I’ve spent the last 18 months outside, getting wet etc……like in Lytham last Sunday. People are still braving it and coming to watch outside, and I did help to raise some money for the charity ‘Mind’. I was also in someone’s garden yesterday too, singing for a 50th wedding anniversary, and sang at a wedding recently too. Beautiful to see so many people coming together to celebrate after the last 18 months. I also surprised a newly married couple who should have been on their honeymoon but had been in a car crash and were recuperating at home. I sang for a private birthday too for just 4 people. The guy loved Mozart so I got all my full on arias out. Yes!!!! My life changed overnight last March and I have no idea where that life would have led me, but I know what’s happened over the past 18 months has changed me so much and led to so much inner growth and getting more into my heart, that it feels this is a more truthful and authentic path.
The reality now is it’s hard to plan anything. One concert I have been asked to do has been cancelled twice so I’m hoping it goes ahead in December. I can’t just do things in the way I used to. I can’t just pop over the Belgium to do a gig and come back, and I’m not looking at venues at all really. It’s just far too risky to rent a theatre right now and too costly, so I’m going to stick to people asking me and arranging things for me. Rather than them come to me, I will go to them. Every event I do I pass my cards around and ask people if they will pass my name on. I’m also going to offer Christmas concerts on streets again, but I’m not worried. I am strong enough on the inside to be connected to myself to know that I am always helped and guided and that I will never struggle for opportunities. I’ve always created work ever since I decided to sing full time, and this last 18 months has shown me even more that it’s possible, even in extreme circumstances. It’s like when given lemons, to make lemonade. I’ve sang wherever and in all weathers.
I’ve been having little days out too busking. There were cheap tickets on the train for £1 each way so I booked one for every Wednesday and had a day out. Sing for a bit and go and get chips and peas from the chippy. I used to love my days out when I busked more. Pottering in different places and singing wherever I went so I felt like I’ve had a taste of things I used to do, and spent some time lifting people up too. I get lots of comments from people. People crying, and people saying things like ‘you are wasted here’. I always get that one. I think people think the only real success is if you have ‘made it’ but there’s so much joy that comes from just sharing your heart with others, and singing on a high street right in the thick of it is a good way. Yes, I don’t love it love it. I would rather be singing for audiences and in venues, but I can reach people who wouldn’t necessarily want to hear what I do. I can just catch someone for 10 minutes and make them stop for a minute. I can change the energy of a street and raise the vibes there, and I can connect and chat to people, and give them a bit of time out from their thoughts and worries. This is what I do wherever I go, and I love that I’m doing it my way too. I’ve pulled out of a few things recently where I’ve been asked to do stuff I don’t feel ok with and lost the work, but I have to stand in my truth and do what works for me. I also left my pizza delivery job too. My boss was getting grumpier and grumpier and was not so nice to his staff, and I was sick of driving in the dark trying to find a house to deliver a pizza 6 miles away. Not worth it, plus I’m a singer. I worked hard for years to do what I do.
I used to worry all the time. Years back. I was always in the driving seat trying to make things happen. Make sure I made everything happen that I wanted to. Here, there and everywhere, living this exciting life, but I never took the time to stop and just smell the roses a bit. There was this drive in me (that came from fear and not trusting) that worried I wouldn’t do what I have come here to do, so I always forced things. That’s how I operated then but I’m not coming from that place now. Maybe I will never sing on a bigger scale for people. I know I don’t really want to be part of the profession anymore too. I have no idea how things will go now either. Will I ever do my Julie Andrews show again? Will I ever travel again? Will any of the dreams I had come to anything? Will I ever live in America? I don’t know. I have to go with the flow now and follow my heart path. That will lead me forwards. I prefer the person I am now too. I’m softer and more loving too. Happier, and feeling more centred. Looking after my own needs but loving serving others too.
I’m working with a director on my Julie show next week, and I’m really looking forward to it. I met her last year and was given some money by ‘The Sage, Gateshead’ to work on my show so I’m finally getting to work with this lady on ways to add some movement and just liven it up a bit. I sang through my show last week, and I really hope I can do it again next year somewhere. Get it up and running again. Work with other musicians rather than with my speaker and computer. You can’t beat live music. We all need it. It brings us together and lets us escape for a few hours into another world, and it connects with our hearts. I get some really nice letters and feedback from people, and I also got a letter from Prince Charles’ office, but if I am honest I much prefer the ones I get from the people I sing to, because I know I’ve made an impact on them. I’m also singing an event next Saturday at The Centred Community in Sowerby Bridge. I go to this centre regularly and work there one day a week, so I’m really looking forward to singing on my own turf and welcoming people in. I’m also thinking of starting a course next year in Holistic Voice Therapy. I’ll always be a performer first and foremost, but I also want to look into other ways to heal and help people with my voice away from the classical stuff. Just an idea for now. Good to have other strings to my bow.
Do let me know if I can help you in any way and come and sing for you or someone that you know it would help. I am reliant on the help of ‘the people’ to help me to keep going, and to help me create places and people to sing for. If you want a christmas singing thingy on your street then just get in touch too, or just pass my name onto others. Every little helps me. Thanks very much.
Hello medarlin Nic, well I’ve really enjoyed reading this and your apartment looks cosy. X
Hi Nicola
Looking forward to hearing your beautiful voice again in December 👏🏻👏🏻