I write this blog every two weeks and my last blog I had just got laryngitis a few days before. I was meant to sing at my friends party in Belgium so that didn’t go ahead, and over the last two weeks I had to pull out of a concert for people in Blackburn, and I was meant to sing all week for a charity called Lost Chord, doing 14 concerts in old folks homes over 5 days. Had to pull out of all of them. My voice just wasn’t totally back.
It was literally day by day as I kept thinking my voice would be ok the day after, and luckily the people said if I want to slot back in during the week then I could but my voice just wasn’t right. It’s one part of it that is just taking ages to recover. The weakest part in the middle. Only a few notes. It’s like a tiny part of it comes back every day and it’s a smidgeon. It’s like hurting your thumb and then realising how much you use it. I cannot sing a song without it not being ok and my show is based all around that area.
I just sang at a ladies 100 year old birthday and I went along thinking I am almost ok. Virtually there, but as soon as I started singing I knew I wasn’t.
I got through it and told everyone the situation (I know them so it’s fine and they said they couldn’t hear it), and now I’m just on complete voice rest. No talking (it’s the talking part of my voice and I’m realising just how delicate it all is). I can just feel every part of my voice. I have something on Wednesday night (which I think I have to just cancel now as I can’t take any risks to not be ok for Friday), and then my show Friday and Saturday in Bury and Hebden Bridge. I’m paying a lot of money for people to record it and make a demo on Friday so I have to have my voice back. This is the tough side of being a singer. Any illnesses or things like laryngitis are a nightmare really. I’m eating spoonfuls of honey, having lemon and ginger in hot water, steaming, and putting plant oils in water too, and my mouth is firmly shut.
I was nearly in meltdown last Monday too. I was relying on the work I had to get me through financially so I could pay for the demo and everything else. It’s just a continual giving out right now for all the marketing etc…….and I thought I would just be fine with this work, so having to cancel messed me up. I have no debt or credit cards etc…..so I thought I would take out a small loan to cover the cost of the demo, but when I applied with my bank for the last 15 years, because I have no debt I was denied. Ha ha. That’s a bit messed up really. If I had loads of debt I would have got one really easily. The system is all wrong and obviously to a computer that says ‘no’ Little Britain style it just looks that I have no credit score because I never get credit, and says a big fat no. So, crying on the phone to Joe in Canada who is one of my closest friends he offered to help me and get me through these next few weeks. Too much stress affecting my voice and he said he doesn’t want me to be stressed when he can help, so I’m taking the help.
I never really ask for help but sometimes we need it. I think in hindsight if I had known how much money I would have needed to keep it all going I would have thought twice about it all, but on the other hand I’m glad I didn’t know because it would have put me off a bit, and I’m in it now and I have no regrets at all. In my last blog post I was just getting caught up in all the stress and this last week I’ve had to think about things and realise that getting like that won’t help me at all, so I do feel better about things.
It makes you learn in all this and it’s like being dragged through a hedge backwards learning, and not knowing how the hell you will be at the end of it all, and I’ve been doing an Eckhart Tolle on myself all week going ‘right now I’m ok. That’s all that matters’, but I would actually like my fucking voice back now please, then that moment I will finally be alright thank you very much.
On the plus side after having tears and tantrums on Monday I’m going to Tower FM radio to be interviewed (will speak for that), and they’ll broadcast it at some point during the week and I had a double page spread of me in the Halifax Courier and Hebden Bridge and Todmorden Times. That was a bit of a shock.
The woman from the Yorkshire Post asked me to answer some questions via email so I just gave her loads of info and said ‘use what you want’ and she used it all. Cracking article. Someone called and told me I was in, and when I got a copy and I’m stood in the checkout at the Coop looking for it, it nearly knocked my head off when I saw it. Totally great but a bit overwhelming too. My first double page spread. I can’t wait to get the digital copy so I can send it out to people for more publicity, and you can all read it, and all these articles are good if I ever do get round to applying for a visa for the US as they need to see you are the main person in something and you’ve had lots of things written about you.
Then my brother got in touch with another article in the Correspondent that goes around Saddleworth, Ashton under Lyne, Mossley and Stalybridge so there’s been a real surge of getting it out there. I did pay for this one though, which was for an advert, but they said they would do a feature on me too. Double whammy. Maybe I could go into marketing if the singing thingy doesn’t work out. This time last year I had NEVER done it. I’ve also (seen as la voce hasn’t been right) gone here, there and everywhere putting flyers and posters up. On trains and buses, walking in the pouring rain (EVERY DAY I did it it was strong rain and winds. Is the rain every going to stop this year?). I went to Holmfirth, Honley, Meltham, Huddersfield, Halifax, Hipperholme, Brighouse, Rastrick, Elland, Ilkley, Addingham and Otley (nice little place if you’ve never been). I can tell you where every slimming world meeting is in all these places (those posters are everywhere). It was sweet yesterday actually. I was waiting for the bus in Ilkley to go to Addingham and these ladies in front of me were talking about singing and The Messiah etc…..(they were older ladies and it was music to my ears. A bit of culture in the bus stop). You should hear some of the crap I overhear.
So one says ‘can you sing?’ to the other one and the other replies ‘oh no, I can’t sing’. What do you think happened? I piped up ‘I can sing’, and then went into why I was in Ilkley and giving out flyers for my show (hint hint), and they all took flyers and made a few cooing noises and I said ‘you can even sing along too. Edelweiss and all that’. So one of the ladies said what are the words to ‘Edelweiss, I can’t remember’, so we all sang Edelweiss in the bus stop together waiting for the 62 to Addingham, and another of the ladies told me all about an old phone box that people put flyers in and I must put them in there, and made sure I got off at the right stop. Apparently this little phone box is a topic of conversation so I want to be talked about in Addingham. Come to my show you lovely people.
I need to go to Skipton at some point and then I’m going to Chepstow, Newport, Cheltenham and Tewkesbury in a few weeks as well as Durham to do the same, then I think apart from Blackheath in London I’m done with the posters and flyers. Luckily the theatre in Frome said they will do it for me. What possessed me to do 15 shows in 15 different places. I need my head testing.
So the day I was a basket case worrying (because I had no voice, the bank had said no and it’s seven hours ahead here than Canada and my friend was still asleep), I then got a call to say the venue in Hebden Bridge had to cancel because of flood damage to the fire exit stairs. I was like ‘is this show jinxed? Omfg. It’s not happening is it? I don’t even want to do the bloody show (more trouble than it’s worth), but I got into ‘find a solution mode’, asked around, left a message on a vicars answer machine at another church, and told a friend whose mother just happened later to be making pancakes with that particular vicar, and she was asked to call me. The call was made and 10 minutes later I had a new venue. Phew!!!!! I just want my voice back. Boo hoo!!!!!! When I do do my show on Friday (please voice just be back) I’m just going to be so happy to be singing, because I love my show. I love the singing part but I don’t love all this other stuff that has taken over my life. One day I will have other people to do it all for me and I just can just rock up, do my singing thingy and go home.
On another good note I got an email from Disney on Thursday saying my name had been passed on and was I available to sing in the Disney Roadshow for five dates in June? If so, could I send my fees and costs. There are many good and bad moments being a singer, and you have to be tough to take the rough with the smooth, but when you get an email like that there is a God out there. I would LOVE to do a Disney roadshow. I thought and thought about what to charge (I didn’t have a clue to be honest and didn’t want to under or overprice myself), but I’ve submitted my fee and will wait to hear. I think it will be Tuesday. I just want them to say a big fat yes and then I can be happy to be a singer again for a while. It’s not bad being contacted by Disney, if I do say so myself.
I do think sometimes I’m no longer ‘opera for the people’. It’s getting more about Julie than the classical stuff and just whatever anyone actually just wants me to sing. I seem to be a jack of all trades, but I’ll go where the opportunities are and just carry on singing whatever I need to sing at any given time and see where it goes. I don’t ever want to leave the classical stuff behind because I do love it too and it keeps my voice in check because of the technique of it.
This is the life of a singer. People only see the end result. They don’t see the worry and the ups and downs. They don’t see the avoiding noisy places and sometimes even talking to people. Even today I sat away from the people at the party because it was noisy and I thought ‘I can’t speak in all that’ and then people kept coming to chat and being friendly and I’m telling them I’ve just got over laryngitis and they carry on talking not realising how hard it is for me to stand talking tiring out my voice. One woman even offered me a lift home and I said I would get the bus, because I would have to talk all the way home in the car. That is what laryngitis does to you. It completely messes things up. All I hope is that I haven’t knocked myself back too much today and if I shut up it will be ok in a few days. Please just come back for Friday. I can’t really say anymore. My show is ace and I just want to do it……..if you’re around anywhere in the UK, the list of all the places are on my website at http://www.iamnicolamills.com
