Hi Everyone,

I’m in my own little world today. Very much ‘do not disturb’ going on and having some time to myself. I’ve been moving around so much recently that I just need to focus a bit and get organised and things planned in my head down on paper so I can feel a little less overwhelmed. Since my last blog post two weeks ago I’ve been in London, back with my family, in Sheffield, Hebden Bridge and now Derby, where I’m back at my friends place.

She is away for the weekend so I have the place to myself and it’s bliss to have a haven. The radio is on, there’s chilli cooking and I can almost feel like I have a normal life for a few days. This time next week I’ll be arriving back into New York and the fun begins again for 3 months with no idea of what’s going to happen, who I will meet and what I will do. I’m looking forward to seeing people again, seeing Central Park in the Fall, watching what they do for Halloween and having a Thanksgiving there (please someone invite me for a dinner). Just getting that out to the universe well in advance.

I would say there’s a lot of deep thinking going on right now. With time on my hands and all the travelling it’s like it’s having a right good knock on my door to go within and rethink a few things which at times is no fun at all. All this self discovery business can be tedious, but one of the things that I would say is I’m learning to be more and more self reliant and looking less to others to acknowledge me. It was my birthday last week and I had the best birthday I’ve had in years because I just didn’t look to anyone else to make it good for me. I did it for me. It was very much ‘Happy Birthday to Me’ as I went about my day feeling free and liberated, doing just what I wanted to do.

I’d been going on about having champagne and chips for the last few years and I finally did it. Not a big deal, I know, but that’s what I wanted. No cake for me that day. Just give me a big plate of chips. I remember saying to someone on the phone (someone who was going to potentially offer me some work) a few years back ‘I’m classy but common’ and then dying inside when I’d come off the phone, feeling stupid for saying it but laughing my head off because I had. Well, I am. I am classy but common, hence ‘Opera for the People. Practically Mary Poppins perfect in every way to suit who I am with this singing thingy.

I’ve been singing in the stations in London, on the streets of Sheffield, in the square in Hebden Bridge (I am known as the Opera singer in the square and am setting a date to sing in the Town Hall later in the year there), and in Derby today and one thing I keep getting told is ‘you’re wasted here’. What are you doing singing on the streets?’ I think people think I’m slumming it for some reason and are pretty shocked when I tell them ‘I am choosing to do this’.

One of the reasons is this (see photo of me and little Joe) but I’ll recap a bit with how it all began. I started singing on the streets in Antwerp, Belgium because I was scared to sing for people and because I’d lost my love of singing and why I was doing it as my job. I liked my job at The Flemish Opera but I needed to enjoy myself again and stop being so scared and anxious and the constant trying and rejection in the profession had just taken it’s toll. I put a lot of pressure on myself and if things are not perfect in my eyes I get scared to show myself and feel inadequate. That first day I was shaking but did it and didn’t realise that my life was going to go in a whole new direction. Many many varied opportunities came along really easily and I was nudged out of my comfort zone and faced many fears with it all, but came out the other end thinking ‘wow, I can really use what I have to help others. I have a gift and should share it with people.’ I realised that music is there to bring pleasure to others and I’d lost that. 

Over time it’s changed a lot and brought me back to myself, who I am and how I want to do it for others, and singing on the streets is one of the ways. I can reach so many people in this way and make a difference and it helps to keep a roof over my head too. People come up to me and tell me all the time that I brought them to tears and they were really moved etc……and that makes me feel good too. It’s a two way thing. Let’s also be realistic too. Since leaving my job at the Opera in Belgium I have only worked one month at the opera in Monaco back in the opera world and had one audition so without me doing my ‘own thing’ I would not be working as a singer anymore, and for me that is just not an option. It would kill me inside. This profession is seriously competitive and it’s just not so easy to get work anymore.

My heart tells me I am doing the right thing. My head might want to mess with that but I trust my heart much more than I trust my head and no matter how hard I find it at times and wish I could just know it’s all going to work out ok, I will carry on no matter what. I’ve never wanted children, I don’t have a partner, I no longer have many things and have no fixed address so I really can do what I want any old time. I’m a free as as bird really, ready to go wherever I need to go, and I like my freedom. I’ve worked hard for it.

I’ve seen some great things over the last few weeks and got chatting to lots of people, caught up with friends I haven’t seen in a while. I sat in my friends garden the other day in Sheffield listening to Magda Olivera thinking ‘it doesn’t get better than this really’.

I’ve stayed in 14 different places since I got back 5 weeks ago, sang in 10 different cities and towns, eaten so much British comfort food (had the lot twice over I think). My show I am currently writing is underway as I’ve just this afternoon chosen my programme for it and how the story of my life will work with the songs I have chosen, my website is having a revamp and should be ready by the end of next week and I have bookings in my diary for gigs in Belgium and the UK when I get back from New York. I’m definitely getting stronger from this experience and it won’t be like this forever as I know at some point things will move on and the next chapter will start. This time next week though I’ll be back in the sun (I know it’s been a good Summer in the UK this year but I’m cold already) and thinking of frozen margaritas again with Ellen. Back to Bushwick in Brooklyn I go.

Here’s a little recording I made earlier and something I’m proud of as I never enjoy hearing myself sing so was pleasantly surprised when I actually liked some of what I heard here (always our own worst critics and silly really because people come up to me and say ‘oh, I wish I could sing like you’ and I’m like ‘oh that bit was rubbish’. Get a grip Nick….. Thanks for following my soprano and a suitcase tales. Check out my website, follow me on Facebook and see my photos on Instagram