Hello Everyone,

This is my last new York blog post for the time being. I have only 4 more nights here (boo flippin hoo). Gosh, I really felt it earlier today. Sat in Union Sq watching the world go by with tears in my eyes just thinking about leaving. I went to the soup kitchen where I go every Saturday afternoon and sang for people today. It’s a little community to me now and it’s part of my life here. These people matter to me. I chat to Alejandro the most. We bonded one day and that’s been it since…..we sit and have our spiritual chats every week boosting each other up about our missions in life. 

And then this guy (jeez, I can’t remember his name) always wants to find out if I’ve been to immigration and found a way to stay. One day I will turn round to him and say “guess what, I’m staying’. I even have a smile on my face just writing about these people.

Soooooo, what a trip it’s been. Wow. Just an overall amazing experience. I am definitely not the person I was 12 weeks ago when I arrived knowing virtually nobody with no idea what might happen. I’ve got stronger and more self reliant. Really learnt to stand up for myself and rely on myself and I’m so proud of the things I have done and how it’s all turned out. This place is in my heart and soul now and I’ve given it my all for the last 12 weeks.

I’ve blossomed inside and I feel it. Opened up more and had the courage to be more and more myself and let go. I’ve realised that by ‘doing me’ it works. All I have to do is ‘do me’. I’ve sang virtually the whole time I’ve been here, going from one opportunity to the next, being appreciative for every chance I’ve been given and loving the chance to share what I have with others. It’s been soaked up like a sponge here in this highly creative city just full of vibrancy, culture and ‘live’ music. I just got on the subway back after my little pitstop to people watch in Union Sq (like a drug I need before I go back to where I am staying) and there’s just character everywhere. One guy was playing ‘hip hop’ in the subway carriage doing his thing and noone bats an eyelid. I mean noone. It’s just accepted that people will express who they are. I walked from the subway stop to where I am living and there’s loads of people just out chatting on the pavements, ‘hanging’ together (as they say here). This stuff just feeds who I am. I will miss this a lot, and being out in the sun. I’ve never had so much continuous sun. So nice.

I’ve been getting good feedback too, every time I sing somewhere. I got this feedback from a lady who heard me recently:

That said, although young, you are definitely a “people person” and I know through your work and service to others you are creating a genuine niche for yourself.  

Those who are disadvantaged and impaired or else lonely, and downtrodden, or simply “common folk” particularly need the uplift that a powerful person can provide.’

and another one:

From everyone I hear your performance last Friday was a great success! Thank you for donating your talents and providing our residents with a wonderful experience.

and another (because why not own what I am doing):

Hi! It’s Kathi Barstow! I loved hearing you sing at Brenda’s house! You have a gift from God!! Amen! It was an incredible night❤️

 

I do feel powerful, like I really can make a difference to people.  I can’t even write about all the things I’ve done. I was singing on July 4th at a party upstate. Brilliant. Such a great day just singing from my menu and making people happy and I was fed, listened to and made to feel really welcome. I’m literally just glowing on the inside right now.

There’s a place that want me to go back regularly when I’m back and I’ve been teaching a bit too so all the hustling is adding up, and my Central Park gig has been a god send to really help me out.

Just keep going. I’m also setting a date to put my show on in a theatre. Songs I’ve loved along the way combined with my story (I did it in Belgium a few years back). I’ve found a pianist this last week and he’s only from flippin Sheffield. I come all the way to New York to end up working with another Northerner. I was with him last night (went to one of his gigs and went out with him and some others for a drink), and he wants me to bring him Fairy liquid pods (strange request but says it reminds him of his mum) and Flying Saucers back from England. We discussed Shepherd’s Pie and if it needs cheese on top and got some good vinegar on our chips. I think we might make a good team.

I’ve met some good people here. There’s Ellen, Eilin, Marc, Ron, Penny, Norma, and Margot who I see regularly and have all become a part of who I am here, and Andrea who lives near Atlanta on the phone most days. People who I care about and enjoy spending time with and chatting to. I’ve had meals, cocktails, done karaoke, been to operas, sat on rooftops, done so much shit I would not have done if I hadn’t come, so it’s a big ‘yes’ overall to following my fricking heart. Yes, yes, yes!!!!

If I had a choice I wouldn’t go home (just being honest here), but I’m also not going to get all down because I am. It is what it is. I get to see people again, I get to watch Masterchef if it’s been on (has it been on anyone?) and I’m going to BBC player myself up a bit. It’s also going to be nice to have a break from continually ‘getting myself out there’. Just be able to go and sing without thinking about networking or it going anywhere. That will feel like a sigh of relief to be honest for a while, and another thing I’m getting really tired of is everyone trying to give me ‘visa’ advice. I’m at a point where I’m like ‘let this just unfold as it does’ and then everyone wants to give me some kind of advice or help. I am just tired of that. I’m also not going to miss the ‘tipping’ thing. These people tip like demons and it’s hard to know if you are insulting someone or not. At least back home I know how it all works.

I was passing Union Sq again at lunch (it’s the station I always go into to change trains) and I saw these people with this up and I stood and thought what am I actually scared of?

I came here and faced fears, I left Belgium and faced fears. I started again in England and faced fears. I left my husband years back and faced fears. I’ve gone it alone for a long time now. I started my own business. Ok, I’m scared of flying. No idea why, but I’m never entirely comfortable with it. I don’t know where I am going to live yet when I come back in September. Still not so scared. I’m scared about setting up a theatre show here and not being able to get people to come etc…..yep, that’s scary. I’m scared in a way of not finding a way to get a visa, but none of these things really stop me.

This is what I wrote on the paper I pegged to the wall. I don’t even know why I am including it in this blog but I just think it shows my fears and vulnerabilities. I thank you all for your support and showing an interest in what I’m doing. None of this could work without people wanting to hear what I am doing, both singing and writing about it. I’m looking forward to getting back out there in the UK for 6 weeks, popping over to Belgium for a few days and catching up with people, getting back on ‘the tube’. Poor you, you’ll all get your ears burnt with me going on about New York. Be ready people.

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