Hi Everyone,

I spent part of this afternoon writing a whole different blog post and discarded it because I just had the loveliest messages after singing in Central Park that it’s completely changed what I wanted to write.

It was from a guy who stood listening for about 40 minutes. I could see he had tears in his eyes too and then I was on the subway home and he brought me back to why I do what I do. I decided to take a couple of days off the past few days just because my mind was full with all the trying to work it out I’ve been doing.

Visas, exploring the possibility of starting as a non profit even though I have no idea how, working on my Julie Andrews show, moving apartments again this week. I’m constantly trying to work it all out so I just said enough is enough. Take a few days off and just forget it all. I invited friends round last night and we all went to Ellen’s (she offered to host us at her place).

• 

• 

I got people together who have really been part of my story here the last few months. They’ve all enriched my life in some way and have been amazingly supportive. When I go home I will miss them and New York. My heart is here and my time is going too quickly. There’s just an energy here that is so creative and I soak it up like a sponge, and I’ve met so many interesting people who have given me so much. This last year has changed me on the inside and no matter what happens I can never lose that. Going to the homeless soup kitchen every Monday and chatting to the guests about their lives or singing for them, singing in the park and at Verdi Sq. Sharing my heart and soul with others. I was singing tonight and as I was doing it I just thought ‘singing heals me. It’s my medicine.’ It always has been, since I was a child. I sing if I’m sad and I sing if I’m happy. I just sing and it always eases my pain. I’ve also started singing ‘Climb every mountain’ from ‘The Sound of Music’ and the words always really get to me.

“Climb every mountain, ford every stream. Follow every rainbow til you find your dream. A dream that will need all the love you can give. Every day of your life for as long as you live.’

That’s it. That sums it up completely. It doesn’t matter where I am now or whether I’ve worked it all out. It’s in me every day for as long as I live and I give it all my love. It’s my best friend, it’s my soul and I just need to keep taking it with me wherever I go. Share it with the people. I was reminded of that tonight when I got the messages from Greg, the guy who sent them. I was all in a tizz letting all this ‘how do I make it all work?’ get on top of me and was exploding and then I get the message and it brings me back to my core. What I’m about. Why I left working in opera houses to sing on the streets.

I also have a new video from Ben the filmmaker has done for me.

https://vimeo.com/337876181

He’s helping me for free (how nice is that?). We met by chance in a bar when he was on his stag do and about to get married and said if you ever need a video doing I’ll do one for you, and he meant it. He’s filmed me twice on the streets now and interviewed me so I’m looking forward to what he will do with it as he’s making a documentary on me. I needed a certain song for something and he made this short video of me in Central Park. I spent a long time never being able to hear myself or watch myself. I would hear all the faults and would cringe and I made a pact with myself at the beginning of this trip to change my thoughts to less fear based and more in a place of positivity and trust and I could see when I watched the video that my work was paying off. I could see the good in myself and really loved what he had done. I want what I do to be real and from the heart and we did one take of each song. No repeats, no doing it for the camera, no fake stuff. A friend said you should have done a few takes until it was perfect. I don’t care about being perfect. I spent years on that path and made myself miserable. I just care about giving pleasure to others. Imperfection is perfection too and it’s not a show for the camera. I asked Ben why he was helping me and he said ‘I’ve lost my love of filmmaking and I’m hoping I can find it again if I make this documentary’. I know that feeling all too well.

I have three weeks left here and I move to a new place on Friday. I sang for Roni when she asked me to sing for her friends birthday down the phone who is no longer able to get to the theatre as he’s in his 80’s and lives in Westchester. I didn’t want any money for it (one song down the phone requires no renumeration. It’s my absolute pleasure), but that led to her inviting me to her Passover dinner and that led me to meeting Milcah who is going away and asked if I wanted to sublet her apartment. It means I get to live on my own for a few weeks. Bliss. I went to an art show at the Center for Book arts on a Thursday to collect the key from Milcah who was presenting her art and Roni was there with Peter her husband. He loves Julie Andrews (a kindred spirit) and she said will you sing a song for him as it’s his birthday. I whipped out my machine and gave him the gift of a song. These are the kinds of things that keep me going and make me rich on the inside.

So when I lose my way and a bit of drama and fear creep up and it all gets overwhelming I have to get my feet back on the ground and know that I never have to doubt anything. I want to sing for more and more people and really take it somewhere and I see that happening and I feel it. We need more love in the world. More compassion for others. Less selfishness and thinking only of our own needs.

I was waiting to sing tonight and I saw all the litter people had dropped and I thought ‘wow, people just drop their shit and expect others to pick it up after them’. If we all just picked up our own shit and did what we can to care for others things would change very quickly and we would all feel happier on the inside. It’s not rocket science.

So I want to thank Greg because he changed the vibe of my blog. It’s more positive than it was earlier. I am thankful to anyone who takes the time to message me,

stop to listen to me singing, put money in my box. You all keep me going and feed me back. Without the help of each person I certainly wouldn’t be able to earn my living from singing since leaving my job in Antwerp at The Flemish Opera to follow my ‘singing for the people’ dream.

Singing for the people is where my happiness lies, and I said to my friend earlier who is over visiting from Belgium that I feel nothing is clear and I have nothing that is secure and that can be hard at times but I know as long as I have a voice I’ll just keep making sure it gets heard. You cannot flipping shut me up.

For more info my website is www.iamnicolamills.com and I regularly post on my Facebook page Nicola Mills Opera for the People.