I’m about to start my Christmas run. Once that begins on Thursday it’s head down until the 22nd. Go and sing and then come home to rest, then go and sing again and then rest. It doesn’t bother me as I’m not a ‘go out’ person anyway. Even if I could go on a night out I wouldn’t as I don’t enjoy the noise and the energy of everyone getting drunk. It’s not for me, so being a singer suits me. I get to live peace in between work and go out into nature and potter with my free time. This is at the back of my house, and the woods I walk in most days with the dog.

I’m just getting over a cough and cold too, and I was pretty knocked out most of last week, but this was the week to get something if I was going to. I missed out on one days work which somebody else covered, but if it was this week then I would be letting people down and having to cancel, and I can’t stand it when I have to do that, but if I have a cough there’s not much I can do. It’s the worst thing to have because it can knock me back for weeks. It’s like singing with a disability, but it’s nearly gone now so I can just get on and do my Christmas run.

I’ve been feeling bored recently though. I loved doing my show at Holmfirth Civic Hall. It was full, with over 200 people. It meant a lot because it’s the first time in my whole life that my name has generated a decent sized audience and it just felt GOOD. I’ve done the putting flyers through doors and begging people to come and having hardly anybody turn up, so for once it felt like I was going in the direction I want to go. I see more and more that what I do is really changed by the audience in front of me. They create the atmosphere and how good it’s going to be too, and I just shine more when there are more people too. I feed on it, and I love it and it fires me up. I am ready for the next chapter, and it’s more of this. Proper audiences who want to be there. It was the same with my Julie shows. At Newton Le Willows some of the audience came dressed up, and in general the atmosphere everyone created made it a better show. Emma, who asked us to do the show, dressed the hall up full of Julie Andrews things which lifted the whole thing too, and then last week at Skipton Town Hall it was great because the venue was a step up too with good lighting and sound and we were looked after, and tickets had been sold. A good audience again. I WANT MORE OF THIS!!!! I’m bored with not being out there more now.

I got Tom from trusty films to come and film the Holmfirth show as I need a new demo doing so I’m looking forward to seeing that, and Keri (the manager) came to watch both shows too. We are going to meet next week for a chat. It was meant to be last week but I wasn’t well so we had to postpone it. I’m interested to see what she says and if there’s a way we can work together. I want to work with others now. I’ve done a lot myself and I’ve been strong over and over again, but I would like someone to help me now. There’s only so much strength one person can have and I feel like it’s the time to build something with the help of others. I don’t get a buzz anymore from being the one having to sort everything out all the time, and I don’t see how I can take it any further on my own. I’ve been relying on word of mouth which has worked great, but I want to also be in nice venues like I’ve been in where I can actually make some decent money and be totally in my vibe for people. I should be doing this more now. Like I say, I’m bored now and ready for the next chapter, and that needs to be working with others and not on my own. Good collaborations.

I’ve just sat looking at the screen for 10 minutes not knowing what to write next. Usually I put a positive spin on it and say things are good and I’m looking forward to what’s coming next etc…but I’m just ready for change and it’s getting to the point now where I’m tired of waiting for it. The thumb twiddling has reached it’s enough stage inside me now, and I just need to be doing it more.

It was interesting singing in the bandstand at The Piece Hall on Friday. I was still coughing so I kept it light and didn’t do any opera stuff. Luckily I was background and it was for the Christmas market there so I could sing easier stuff. I like standing in one place and observing people walking by. I used to do that all the time when I busked and you learn a lot about people. It was the children on Friday who stopped to listen for a bit. They noticed. The little children. They aren’t interested in shopping and looking at what’s for sale, because they are still young and innocent and are in awe of what’s going on, and they stopped and danced and smiled. It’s a shame we lose that innocence and we stop seeing what’s around us and look to the material world for comfort. I keep saying that all I’ve ever really wanted was to sing for people. I never wanted children and I’ve never been bothered about stuff and houses and fancy cars etc…but I want to sing, and that is my total focus. I give my heart and soul to it every day and it will rule my life until I can no longer do it, and I’m proud of it. The rest just feels empty to me, so I want this next chapter and I will get it at some point, because the river is flowing towards it. I’ve heard so many times recently that ‘you must flow with the river’ and you can’t go against that, and I know my river is flowing to new opportunities and places to sing, and I am sat ready and waiting and am in the boat flowing down the stream ready to give to people along the way and to have my adventures in life, because if I had to live the alternative it would kill me on the inside. I know that for certain. If you’ve ever known your purpose in life and felt passionate about something then you will know exactly how I feel. There is no other path. You take the ups and downs and keep swimming and know that no matter what you keep building and growing and keep going.

I’ve already got some good work next year. I’ll be singing for lots of WI’s at conventions and for Inner Wheel too, and I’m getting to sing further and further afield too which means new audiences all the time and my name being passed on again. I’m waiting to hear about dates for more Yorkshire Proms so will look forward to that and would love to set up a tour and do more of what I did in Holmfirth, and next year I’m hopefully singing in Belgium again in an arena for the Belgium Tattoo (a Highland dancing event) so that’s going to be great too. Massive venues. Good. I still have lots of gaps for work. I’m still sitting around too much and I want to be busier. There will come a point where I’ll have too much going on and I will want some time off, and I know it’s going to come. I’ve learnt a lot this year though, about having a better balance and to take time for myself, and look after my own energy. Before this year I would have not understood about that and would be full throttle, but I’m gentler now and chasing less and going with the flow more and it feels like rather than pushing for things, I’m now attracting things to me.

It’s a very different place to be in on the inside. I’ve connected more with nature this year and really thought about things a lot and I don’t enjoy being out in the material world. I go out to sing and then I come home to my sanctuary and nature. If someone had said to me 5 years ago I would be a different kind of person now I would not have believed them, but I am. My personal priorities are so different to what they used to be. I don’t need the ‘busyness’ anymore and the noise around me. I suppose I’m just getting more focussed. I’m here to sing and I know it. If you’d like to hear me sing I post lots on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/iamnicolamills or check out my website at http://www.iamnicolamills.com

Enjoy your Christmas run up in whatever way makes you feel good. I’m glad I’m on the other side of things and the one entertaining others. Have a lovely time everyone!!!!