I never really talk about money. I’m not a money person. Yes, I need it, just like everyone else, but I have spent the last few years trying to help people, as much as make money. I’m not a materialistic person. I don’t chase having ’things’. I live in a small one bedroomed apartment, drive a small car, and don’t really go shopping for ‘things’. My life revolves around my heart and my soul, and it lives from there. This year has been one of the hardest for me. It is mentally pushing me to my limits. I am a strong person. I have dealt with a lot in my life, but this year is on another level. It’s messing with my heart and soul. Having to start again with nothing in my diary, organising events and taking on all the work for it. The getting it out there is the hardest. It never stops. I’m putting my own money into things. I need to talk about money though. How much am I worth? How much do you think a musician is worth?

I was chatting to someone recently who told me that Bryn Terfel gets £50,000 per show at The Royal Opera House, so for a 10 show run he makes half a million pounds. Lesley Garrett gets paid £5000 for a gig she is doing, and she is singing ‘O mio babbino caro’ down a third because she can’t sing it anymore. People still pay to see her. The go compare man gets paid £7500 to do a Mendelssohn’s Elijah, and bashes his way through it, not really knowing it. People still pay for it. I get people asking me to sing for £40, thinking that is acceptable. I get people disrespecting the years of training I have done, and the years of experience I have, thinking that £80 and a free dinner is enough, and when I ask for more it’s just not understood. I sang somewhere yesterday and Jon asked one of the band guys who were on after me how much they charge. He said very confidently ‘we charge £2000 an hour’. For 4 of them. That’s £500 each, and I get people asking me to sing for virtually nothing. It’s an insult to a musician. It’s an insult to me. I think people think that £80 for an hours singing is good money. More than a lot of people get paid per hour, but I have to practise most days, I have to warm up on the day, travel to get there from my money, and sometimes pay to park, arrive early to set up, start chatting to my audience to bond with them, sing, chat to them afterwards, pack my stuff up, travel home. It can take up a whole day, and once someone has booked me I can’t take on any other work that day. I can’t do gigs seven days a week. It’s not vocally possible. I’m paying for advertising, theatres, halls, pianists, graphic designers etc…not to mention the £1000’s I’ve spent on singing lessons and coachings over the years.

If we took away all the arts in this world for 2 weeks and noone had access to any of them, people would soon realise that we are the ones keeping you going for entertainment. We were the ones who lost our careers first in 2020 whilst others got furloughed. No furlough money for us, yet we are the ones the most disrespected and underpaid (unless you have made it). Anyone could train to be a solicitor, an accountant, a plumber, and charge your hourly fee and noone questions it, but most people even if they had singing lessons for years couldn’t do what I do. You have to have balls of steel to cope in this profession.

This is my situation right now. I am busting a gut to get myself out there. It is stressful. When I stand singing infront of people I truly love standing in my body and singing a song and sharing that with people. That’s a given to me. What I don’t love is singing to people who don’t care if I am there. Who may be drunk and rowdy. Who want to eat and chat to their mates, or eat their scone and chat about some shit on the TV, or singing outside to people all spread out, busting a gut to be heard, when you are just some background music. What I love is connecting with an audience, and being heard and building up an atmosphere together.

I was in Saltburn-By-The-Sea on Friday to do ‘A Spoonful of Julie’. I sang for the women’s institute there in December, for a very rubbish fee (but at that point I was doing what I could to get my name out there again and thought a little trip to Saltburn-By-The-Sea for a few days would be nice for me after the last two years), and I mentioned about doing my Julie Andrews show up there. ‘Oh yes, please do. Hire the theatre here. We will fill it, no problem.’ Many times I heard ‘we will fill it, don’t you worry. We would love to see your Julie Andrews tribute.’ I booked the theatre, and one lady really helped me out (Lesley, if you read this, you are amazing), and I honestly thought ‘I have nothing to worry about for Saltburn’. I have a following there and a friend too who will help. I was told people were paying on the door so they didn’t pay eventbrite fees. I did my show on Friday, walked out into the theatre with about 40 people there. I knew instantly that I had lost money, and I just thought ‘fuck it, sick of caring’, so I had a ball on stage. Sooooo much fun. I let go, and me and George smashed it. It was much more relaxed than my first show, and people walked away having sung along, felt uplifted and I created a great atmosphere, but I was disappointed with not getting a decent audience. I made the mistake of relying on others and thinking that it would be taken care of. I can’t do that again. I can’t hire venues and take these risks if I can’t generate an audience. I was meant to be singing again for The WI up there in December but I have cancelled. Terrible fee again and I’m honestly not doing it. I had expected a big group of them at my show and they didn’t come. So this weekend I sang for nothing. My fee for my gig yesterday cancelled out my losses for Friday.

What am I worth? Where do I go from here? Most times that I go and sing for people I get comments like ‘please come back; I have a new lease of life; I feel really uplifted; you make me cry; when are you coming back?

Why am I struggling then?

I’ve told myself there are two sides to me as a singer. I meet people who are genuinely doing what they can to bring people together. I meet so many good and kind people who bring a lot of love and community to people, and when they ask me to sing and they say we only have ‘so much’ that we can pay you, or they are paying out of their own pocket to help people, then I will always say yes. I’ve had a few places like that recently and it’s been lovely. Genuine, real people. I know they are being really genuine with me and I see what they are doing. That’s what I love too. But when I feel I am being taken the piss out of and not respected then I am not going to sing. People want me on the cheap. Not even the price of a raffle ticket each or a drink each. No. Go and get a cheaper singer. You won’t find one.

It has been a busy month. I’m singing for lots of people. My cards are being given out. The jubilee week was really busy. It was a case of sing, go home, sing, go home and rest, for 5 days. Needed all of my stamina for it. It took me 3 days to recover. I got some great audiences too. Loved it. Doing what I want to do. Singing for proper audiences. I sang at Halifax Minster too. Full of flowers because I was part of the flower festival there. Another great audience. I feel I am doing my work then. What I came here to do. I’m doing ‘The Last Night of the Proms’ at The Piece Hall in September with the Yorkshire Symphony Orchestra. Really really pleased. Like, ‘thank god’ pleased. I deserve a big concert like this. I absolutely really bloody do. To sing with a full orchestra again will be heaven to me. They have sold over a 1000 tickets already. This year is make or break for me. I said it at the beginning of the year. I either start to make this work for me too, or I just can’t do it anymore. I start to get my Julie show out there or I can’t carry on doing it. I’ve sang for so many people now around Halifax (my next show is on June 25th at The Playhouse) and given out flyers to so many people that I just feel I can’t do anymore right now. If enough people don’t come then I lose money again.

I’m just trying to be honest about how things are. I could say ‘things are great, I’m doing so much good stuff and singing for so many people, and I love being a singer’ etc….but I want anyone who reads this to show you the rollercoaster ride that being a musician is. I love what I do, but it’s hard in this world to do it. I work from my heart in a materialistic, money orientated, dog eat dog world. I don’t fit into that.

I love working with George on my show. He is just great. Everything I wanted in a pianist to work with, and on a personal level too. We have a good thing we are doing and a good vibe on stage too. He can change things in the music and is invested in doing it with me. I feel really lucky to have found him. We love performing. That’s what we do all our training for. That’s what we devote our lives to. You watch a dancer and know they have spent years from childhood working on it. It doesn’t just come overnight. It takes years of practise and dedication. It’s a way of life. I just wish more people could understand that. I rock up to sing and there’s a story and years of graft, and years of practise, and years of knock downs in the profession and years of investment in myself to hone my craft and be the best I can be, years and years of experience. You just see the song I am singing, but you don’t the see the journey that has got me to stand there singing that song for you. You just think the hourly fee you are offering me is a good hourly rate. I’m getting tired of the struggle. I really am.

Anyway, I’ve said enough now. I’m over it. I need to get on with my day. The list of people I have to contact, and to try and generate some more opportunities, and I have to practise too. I’m tired too from singing all weekend so I need to recharge myself.

If you do want to come to any of my shows ticket links are on my website at http://www.iamnicolamills.com

A Spoonful of Julie

June 25th Halifax Playhouse

July 23rd The Kings Arms Salford

September 3rd Grassington

September 9th Ulverston

September 30th Todmorden

November 19th Eccles

Opera for the People

June 17th Holmfirth

August 5th Notton

October 28th Holmfirth

October 29th Edgworth

More dates to follow when I can deal with it.