Someone asked me today if I had any plans? ‘No, not really’. I did take some time off and it was sooooooo lovely. I love singing for people and I’ll go down doing it really. It’s my total passion, but having time off was such bliss. Waking up and not having any plans for the day. Nothing to do. Woohoo!!!! Such a lovely feeling. Wake up when I want (I do that anyway. None of this 9 to 5 for me), potter around, faff about, go for a walk, get in the kitchen. Just no thinking about singing for a bit. A real holiday.
No warming up, no day controlled by it. I did a few singing things that people had already asked me to do which felt lovely but in my head I was having a break. Plus, I really know deep down I have neglected ‘me’ as a person (not the singing me). We are two different things. I’ve got my singing persona and then I have my personal side too, and in my effort over the years to continually be finding ways to survive and keep singing, I’ve neglected the personal side of me. I’ve been doing a lot of inner work.
I’m a pretty tough cookie. Very strong and independent because I have always had to be, and I can stand my ground and fight my corner any day. If anything gets in the way of me doing my heart work for others then I stand my ground. At the same time I am very soft too. Very vulnerable. Hardly anyone sees that side of me. Even I don’t see that side of me so often, but I don’t want to be so strong sometimes. There is strength in vulnerability too, so I’ve been working on being softer. Giving to myself first and foremost. Taking care of me. Not being there for others. Not always being the strong one. Opening myself up more to things and people too. It takes me ages to let anyone in. I take my time with people and who I choose to let into my personal life. It’s a big deal for me. I want real connections with people. Same when I am singing. I am ultimately looking for a connection.
Back to the original question. Do I have any plans? ‘Not really’. My plan is go with the flow and just know no matter what, I will always sing. Since this time last year I haven’t been worried about how things will work out. So far they have and I trust. I don’t plan to go back into venues anytime soon. I’ve been asked to do a few concerts with my pianist Jenny, in Brighouse in July and September (how lovely will it be to have a pianist playing for me), so if these go ahead it will be great to be up and running again, but I won’t organise anything in theatres myself. If it comes to me then fine, but the thought of singing to audiences where people are wearing masks, and social distancing, my heart just can’t take it. I honestly cannot deal with how upset that will make me feel on the inside if I have to do that. I want to see people enjoying themselves and see their smiling faces, and I want them to join in and sing along, especially with my Julie Andrews show. I want them to escape life and forget about what’s going on. That’s what I’ve been doing this past year. Connecting with people and creating good vibes to help people forget about the crap going on.
Residents dance as professional opera singer Nicola Mills, wearing a red jacket, performs her one woman show Opera for the People in Adelaide Street, Todmorden, West Yorkshire. The 43-year-old soprano, who lives in the town, has so far staged ten free outdoor concerts for people in her area and has seven more lined up after her Julie Andrews tribute show, a Spoonful of Julie, was postponed due to the coronavirus lockdown. The singer, who trained at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama and has worked for opera companies around Europe, would currently have been performing in New York. 
I can’t be put in places where my heart will break looking at people in fear and worried with masks on their faces, plus there will be so many cleaning chemicals and sanitisers flying around that my voice can’t take it. I am really allergic and sensitive to chemicals around me. I even struggle when I go in the supermarket because I can taste them, and it really affects my voice. I have no idea how things will work out but I don’t care really. I can’t do any of the above I have just said. Someone asked me to sing in a plastic box the other week, to protect people and I couldn’t. It’s inhumane. I wouldn’t put a dog in one, so why am I going to stand in one? I need connection with people. No plastic boxes, no chemicals, no bullshit.
I was in Lytham today busking a bit. I’ve not done it for a while. I’ve only really busked a handful of times in the last year because I’ve been lucky enough to have had people asking me to sing for them on their streets. It’s been absolutely brilliant to have audiences infront of me. I will never forget this past year and what I have done. I am so proud of what I have done and how I have handled things. I love having audiences asking me to sing for them. I love doing little surprise doorstep visits. I was busking in Hebden Bridge for the first time a week last Thursday, and some people from the day care centre came down with some of the people who go there towards then end and asked if I would go back the following week and they would bring people down. We did it this Thursday. Loved it. Banter all the way and just creating good vibes together. Another lady had also heard me first Thursday too and had got her son and daughter to bring her again incase I was there, so we all sat in the sun and vibed together. I honestly don’t care about money at these times. My aim is just to bring joy to others and just create good vibes together. I’ll be in Ilkley next weekend too surprising someone else for their birthday too who loves Puccini. I’m practising Miami’s aria from ‘La Boheme’ again for him.
One thing I am noticing more and more though that is really bugging me is that when I chat to people in between songs (I did it all the time today in Lytham), I put down what I do. ‘I know it’s opera everyone’ kind of thing. Make jokes that I scream for people etc……sorry everyone for singing opera. Wtf do I do that? I don’t want to always do the ‘popular’ stuff. I have worked damn hard for the last 25 years on singing and I talk to people like I apologise for myself. Has to stop. Has to seriously stop. I need to honour myself and what I do. Pavarotti never walked out to sing for people apologising that he was going to sing some opera. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, so it’s not. Today when I was busking I enjoyed it but I also know deep down I don’t want to busk anymore. It just doesn’t do it for me in the way it used to. Never when I first stood outside Antwerp cathedral shitting my pants singing Ave Maria in 2014 did I expect to still be doing it in 2021. Time to move on. I’m going to do it a bit but not like I used to. Trust that opportunities will come to sing for audiences who want to hear me. I’m doing a concert for people in New York too. Someone I have sang for before have asked me. Good. My heart lies there and has ever since 2018. The first opportunity I get to go back I will be going back.
On another note, if anyone wants to help me I would appreciate it. In my head I work for spirit. For the light, for the divine, whatever you want to call it. I am here to spread light to others, and I was told to write to Prince Philip and The Queen, so I did. I will be doing a video for Prince Philip’s 100th birthday and need people to send me a photo of themselves wishing him a happy birthday on a card or whatever way you want to do it. The more the merrier. I will include them in my video if I can as I want to make the video a ‘happy birthday from the people’ kind of thing, seen as I am ‘opera for the people’. I need people when I sing to help me so I thought we could do this together too, so if anyone wants to help them let me know and send your photos through. I would really appreciate it, and this is me being soft here, because to ask for help is a big thing for me. I hardly ever ask people to help me so it takes me courage to be vulnerable enough to ask for it.
Apart from that, my bread making skills are getting better, I’m loving being out in the nature and seeing the sun warming us up a bit more and the nights getting lighter, and I’m delivering pizzas two nights a week. Never thought I would be doing that, but I enjoy the banter in the place and earn a few extra pennies along the way. Speaking of pennies, The Sage, Gateshead gave me £1000 to develop my Julie Andrews show further, so once I’ve done the video for Prince Philip I’ll get onto working on that again, and let the rest unfold. One day at at time. Right now it’s bugging me that the format of how this blog looks has changed. Why? I much preferred the old way. Easier to do too. Doesn’t look as good now too.
If anyone wants me to sing where they are or do an online thing for them (although I do prefer face to face), then get in touch at iamnicolamills@hotmail.com or call me on 07838360195. Check out my website at http://www.iamnicolamills.com
Sending love and positivity. It’s so good to know you carry on doing good what your doing ……..and the bread? That just looks amazing!!! X
Not surprisingly you need ‘Me’ time Nicola, you give so much of yourself to so many.
Any time you want to deliver Pizza to us, that would be great!
Take Care, Keep Safe.
Debbie xxxx
Hi Debbie, Hope you are well. I should come up to Grassington one day and sing. Or where is it you live?
Hi Nicola,
Yes, Grassington is where we live! And where we saw you singing wonderfully in Grassington Square for the Festival. I feel sure you would be very warmly welcomed again and it would be lovely to see you again 😊
Take Care, xxxx