I woke up with the song ‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year’ in my head. Over and over again. It will probably be in my head all day now. I’m learning all my Christmas music now because all that begins in a few weeks. More concerts for people all throughout December. I’ll be glad to sing something different for a month. I was practising yesterday and was looking at ‘Rejoice Greatly’ from the ‘Messiah’ by Handel. Proper Christmas classical music. I used to do loads of ‘Messiahs’ every December years back when I lived in the UK and before I jaunted off to Holland. Yesterday I realised how much I miss singing other stuff. Real classical stuff. Stuff that makes you really work on your technique and improve things.

I’ve got into a few bad habits singing all this crossover stuff over and over again. You don’t need to sing it all in the same way as a true classical piece and I miss that sometimes. I used to love singing all the other stuff. Practising it all. I’m going to start getting some stuff out and just doing it to keep myself going. Reminisce about the singer I used to be too.

So lots has happened in the last four weeks. I thought it was 3 weeks since I wrote my last blog (been doing it every three weeks) but it’s 4. I had a lovely holiday in Cornwall, walking along the coast. Absolutely stunning. Just beautiful. Loved walking with the wind in my face and the smell and crashing of the sea next to me. Time out. I went to Doc Martin’s surgery too. Port Isaac, and enjoyed a couple of Cornish pasties too. Those ones they make up here are nothing like the real deal.

I also sang a few times too which helps me out. A new place gives me the energy to sing the same songs again. I miss travelling. I miss seeing different places and my singing taking me to new places, and meeting new people from all over. Bigger living. In my head I live big. I’ve never wanted to be settled with a mortgage and seeing the same place over and over again. I love freedom. It hasn’t bothered me that I haven’t had a fixed address for nearly 3 years. I don’t need anything ‘fixed’ in my life. The only constant I have is that I have my voice. The love of my life. Singing.

I was also interviewed for The Big Issue last week too. Not sure when it will go in as the magazine is not being printed right now but when it is again, I should be in there. A guy in Todmorden who works for them asked me. I sang on his street. It felt nice to feel normal again, and talk about my story and things I have done. I’m also being interviewed for a podcast next week and someone else is interviewing me (not sure what that is for), and I’m being interviewed for a university course too, for the students to listen. Newcastle University. I also did an online symposium set up by an Icelandic friend who I knew in Utrecht. A group of us chatting about keeping artistic stuff going in lockdown and how we have done it. Lots of inspirational stories from people around the world. Everything has changed this year. The life that I knew is gone. It was gone from day one of all this. Never to return. I hear people saying ‘when things get back to normal’. Normal has gone. It is never coming back. Lockdown is not ending. I knew that from the start.
I don’t see it that if we all be good and follow the rules, then we can go back to normal. A new world is coming and it’s our choice which one we decide to have. A controlled world where our rights are taken away from us (happening step by step), or a world where we take a stand and say no. I am saying no. Protesting in my own little way.

The reason why I have been singing for people throughout. Last weekend I sang in the market in Todmorden to raise money for ‘Music for the Many’, a charity that helps children to have music lessons for free. Definitely something close to my heart as I didn’t pay a penny for all the musical experiences I had from the age of 7 to 16. I learnt the trombone at school, played in various bands, orchestras and ensembles at Oldham Music Centre, joined the choir when I was 13 and was given singing lessons when I was 15. All for free. Absolutely no way my parents would have paid. Not an option. I’ve sang for Music for the Many a few times now and always donated my fee too, and they’d set up a weekly thing in the market inviting a different musician for an hour to perform and get some donations in. I’d been up the night before not feeling 100%, and was worrying about singing there. Some of my old anxiety thoughts came up. Not had that for a while. Old stuff, old patterns. The inner work coming up. Also another huge part of my life. Working on my shit. The real work. So I went to sing worrying a bit, hoping that I could uplift people when sometimes I don’t feel so uplifted, but it was beautiful. The energy there was magical. People singing and dancing, kids vibing off it. Really lovely, but 30 minutes in, I was asked to stop. Too many people in the market. Too many people enjoying themselves and having some fun. Not allowed right now, so I was asked to stop. I moved to a big piece of grass nearby. I just did not want to stop when I could see so many people benefiting from it. We need it for our mental health.

Not gratifying myself personally here, but it’s the only live music people are getting. I get sick of screaming another song out sometimes too and wish I did something cooler at times, but people were enjoying themselves so I moved away from the market. Perfect solution for the next 30 minutes. No. I was told now I was on public land so the police may be called and I could receive a public order. Fine. Absolutely fine. Land me with a public order for singing for people. I did not come to conform. I came to do my mission which is to sing for people. So I carried on, and the police did come, and they didn’t even bother getting out of the car (because I am doing nothing wrong), and the market people called the covid marshals later to come and find me (after I’d finished), and I just went home feeling drained and deflated from wanting to do good for others and raise some money for charity at some point. And this is how fucked up this world is. The charity wouldn’t stand with me when I went on the grass, and they have now been stopped from other musicians performing there the other Saturdays leading up to Christmas. I don’t even know what to think. Is it my fault? All life is stopped and we are letting it be.

On the other hand, I got so many lovely comments from that from people that a part of me just doesn’t care. Mission accomplished. One lady called Norma sent a card via someone else (because she didn’t know who I was or how to find me), saying thanks with a donation in there. There are so many things trying to pull us down at the moment. Well, if I am honest it’s been our whole lives. Fear and more fear. Imagine if light was pumped out. Do not shine your light in this system, but I am here to shine my light and this lady sending me a card helped to lift me too. I am not fearful so why should I act like I am? The same day I went to sing for someone’s birthday on their doorstep. A house with adults with special needs (the carers asked me), and the day after surprising a lady on her doorstep also for her birthday (her daughter who lives in Spain asked me). And then I sang for a lady whose sons both have cerebral palsy, so I sang for them and a few of the neighbours too. Yesterday I also sang for a lady who was spreading the ashes of her father who loved music, and later I’m singing for the birthday of Rita, who is terminally ill. Her mum wants her last birthday to be special for her, and they’ve been to see me a few times now. About 6 weeks ago I sang for a lady who was also terminally ill (her son Tom put my YouTube video together for me). She’d lived in Prague, so me singing Song to the Moon’ was special for her. She’s now passed on. A few weeks back. Tom told me that singing for her was the nicest thing to happen to her this year. It’s just been story after story this year. Connection after connection. Heart work, and standing my true power, so I just don’t care if people don’t agree or there’s a chance I could get into trouble. So what. For singing a song on a street. Hardly the crime of the century. Not actually doing anything wrong.

My diary is looking pretty full for December. Still some slots free, but I’m looking forward to it. We need some Christmas cheer. Definitely the strangest Christmas any of us will be having. I’m also going to do a Christmas song advent calendar online. A song a day. I’ve got a good mix, but I need to accept that for some of them I will sound crap. Got to work with the backing tracks I have and not all of them suit me. Need to get my head around not being good sometimes. Not good at that. Too serious about it all. Hard for me not to be a certain standard but I’m continually stepping out of my classical comfort zone. I’ve also set up something called ‘Buy me a beer’.

It’s meant to be ‘buy me a coffee’ but I don’t like coffee and I lived in Belgium for 4 years (and love a Belgian beer), so I changed it. I prefer champagne really. Ha ha. Just joking. Me and Tripel Karmeliet can have a good time when we get together. I remember having 5 of them one time with a friend. Jesus. Ha ha. Knocked my head off. So if anyone fancies buying me a beer leading up to Christmas then all beers are greatly appreciated. Have a lovely day everyone and keep on shining. Get in touch if you want me to sing anywhere or for anyone. Happy to do some personalised Christmas cards too and videos. Whatever works for you.
The link for my buy me a beer singing thingy:

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Singingnick

Follow me on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/iamnicolamills and see some nice piccies on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/operaforthepeople/