Hi Everyone. I’m writing to you from Cornwall. I spent the last two days driving down here with a few little pitstops to sing (in Rugby and Frome), and to see my good mate Claire in Kintbury. We worked together nearly three years ago in Monaco, but we know each other from years back when we studied together at The Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama. We lived together when we worked in Monaco, in the South of France and we have such good memories of it.

A right laugh. I did all the cooking (I love it), and we were loving the cheap wine and the beautiful coastline around us. Fantastic memories, and so great to catch up. We need it. We need our friends and people we love.

I’ll be going to the coast today. Walking by the sea, on the cliff tops. I also went to Saltburn last weekend. Never been there before but someone invited me and said ‘people will love you to sing up here’, so I went. Absolutely cracking. Gorgeous little place. People were friendly and I got a good little crowd outside Sainsbury’s. People ask me where I sing and why am I doing this?

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Errrrrr, nowhere right now because I’m not allowed, because the government are a set of arseholes, slowly controlling us and taking our rights away, so right now the glamour is Sainsbury’s, or you might see me outside a Poundland, and then sometimes a business might complain so I get a bit of grief about it. All for singing a song. Who would have thought?I spent a few days just being sick of it all. Singing a song now being hard work and seen as something to be frowned upon. No. It’s something that helps people if the vibes of it are right. The arts are no more for now. Nothing really going on, and everything being organised gets cancelled. No fun allowed now, unless it’s watching some depressing dross on the TV, but I won’t stop and I won’t be beaten. As long as I can stand somewhere I will. I see how much it can help people. I know what I do is not everyone’s taste. I even wish myself sometimes that I sang different stuff. Like my nephew said a few years back, ‘you scream a bit when you sing don’t you Auntie Nicola’. Yes, I scream a bit. What I do. Sometimes I think ‘I can’t sing these songs anymore’. I’m done. I want to be cooler and sing other stuff, but I don’t, so wherever I go I sing and if people want to stop and it just helps them then I can do that.

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Last weekend in Saltburn I could feel the atmosphere as people started to gather. I have no idea what it’s normally like, but then when I finished the people are gone five minutes later, so I am doing something. A real Dick Van Dyke. I also got a lovely response in Frome yesterday. Sometimes I don’t want to bother. I am talking myself out of it as I am on my way, because I never know the response and I still get nervous of a new place. Rugby was a bit flat. A few responses but not many people were interested, but Frome was totally different. Funny that. The butcher even gave me discount after being there when I got supplies for my trip here. All sorted for the week. No having to queue or wait to get into a shop. Walks in nature in the middle of nowhere. Bliss.

I have still done a couple of concerts for people on their streets and the next idea is to offer some Christmas concerts now. Mulled wine and mince pies I reckon too, and a bit of a sing along to some carols and me doing my popera version of some of the other songs too. We won’t be going to any Christmas concerts this year so I reckon that can help people too. I already have a few bookings for it and one of the old folks homes here have asked me back. I might also be singing a Handel’s Messiah too. If that goes ahead. We’ll see. An online version, but not sure if they will have an audience there too. How crazy is all this?
I must say though I am proud. I was saying to a friend last night that this year I know who I really am. I have shown to myself who I really am. My actions have shown who I really am, and I like myself. I like me for being me and stepping up, and not being stuck in fear and not worrying, and just getting on and going into ‘I am in service to others’ mode. I got given some money by The Sage, Gateshead for a video. It had to specifically be spent on getting a video done, so I got Tom Rust, who lives in Todmorden and is a filmmaker to put something together using some of the photos and videos from the 64 concerts I’ve done. I’ve never been so proud to put a video out there. All the years I spent trying to achieve and ‘be something’ and for someone to be interested in the profession and they never were. An odd person. A lot of fake talk, and a lot of bullshit, and so much trying and effort, and now a part of me just doesn’t care. A part of me does care though still. I always got work (10 years virtually full time in opera houses),and worked in some of the best houses (Glyndebourne, Dutch National Opera etc….), but noone really cares. Dog eat dog.

I have my dreams and I couldn’t feel further away from them now. Where is NY in all this? Where is me living in America happening? Why did I bother doing all that to end up now singing outside people’s doors and outside Sainsbury’s? But I know that this is THE PATH. The heart path. I am now standing in my real power and all I need to do is keep standing tall, keep shining and keep being in service, and the rest will unfold. Just be me. This is the true path in life. It shouldn’t be such a slog all the time. The things will come that are right for me, and I can honestly say I will always be proud of this video. My heart is in it and who I am and what I stand for, and I think Tom has done an amazing job putting it together. I’ve had three people contacting me this week to do interviews, including the big issue. Good. Let’s do this the right way and the heart way and not the fake way.

I’ve also moved into my new place now too. A big house-share with 10 of us living there. My first fixed address in nearly three years. I am loving it. Really nice place and nice people. A lot like me. Eating well, creative mindsets, not following the norm. Feels really good. If you put anything on the table in the kitchen it’s for anyone to take. Love that too, and last week we had a communal dinner/tea where everyone contributed something and we all ate together.

I’ve also done a ‘Charleston’ dance class twice in the hall upstairs. I’ve wanted to learn that for years, but would could never commit to a class at the same time every week because of my changing weekly schedule, so that feels nice. I also teach a little girl every week too and her mum makes me dinner in return. No money exchanged. Love that too. Keeping money out of the equation, and I love having my tea and chatting every week.

So this is my life at the moment. No idea what the future will hold. If I’ll be told at some point that singing is now banned. I wouldn’t put is past this government who still carry on doing their own stuff clearly against all the stupid rules they’ve put in place. Well, I don’t listen. I follow the rules my heart and soul put in place for me to follow. I listen to that. It knows much more than they do. I come from a place of love, and they can’t take that away from me. Have a great day everyone and lots of love to you all.
If you would like to like my Facebook page here it is https://www.facebook.com/iamnicolamills and my website is http://www.iamnicolamills.com