Where to start? I’m writing this every three weeks now and it feels like so much happens. Both on the inside and outside. I definitely feel more in my heart space and am operating from a different place on the inside. It really is about doing my absolute job in this lifetime.

Go and sing for people, connect with them, uplift them, and get them connecting with each other. I see streets fill up now with the residents who come out and bring their chairs or sit on their walls etc….some bring drinks and food, one guy made pizza today, giving it out to people after I had finished. People stand talking and connecting. This makes me really happy on the inside. People are giving what they can of themselves. That man didn’t have to put pizza on for people. I got bars of soap today. I get given wine, flowers, someone gave me their book they had written too today. It’s just a win, win situation.

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Our hearts are being opened on both sides. One little girl kept dancing today, and her sister sang along. I offered her some singing lessons and then her mum came and I knew her, and she was offering me to go and get some of her home grown veggies from their garden whenever I like. Get in. Right up my street that kind of thing. Joanne, the cheese lady still won’t let me pay too. It’s not about what I get. It’s about the ‘love’ connection. Singing for me is my way to show love to others. We are all showing our love to each other.

I sang at a funeral the other week. For someone who had heard me last year. Her dad had suddenly died. I wasn’t technically allowed, but being the good rebel I am they took me in in the hearse. A weird feeling to have a coffin behind my head. They had asked me to sing ‘Ave Maria’. Just the one song. Everything is just about money though, so they get their time slot (20 minutes for a whole life lived), so my 4 minute song was too long and I was being told to stop half way through. Noooooo. Sorry, not understanding what you are saying (yes, I was). I am singing the song for these people to help them and I will sing it to the end for them, because it meant something to them. That song was sung at their grandads funeral too and was one of her dads favourite songs. If you can’t have another minute in your hearts then sorry but ‘me no understandy’ right now. Just finishing this song thanks. The world is too money and business. What would it matter to go over by a minute? I mean ffs. Get some heart about it all. The next coffin on the conveyor belt coming in 30 minutes later. Flowers worth a lot of money just thrown round the back. No real care.

I keep fighting my warrior fight. I feel a strength within to really do this. I am about the people. The BBC came to film me singing for ‘Look North’ news. It’s the regional 6.30pm news in Yorkshire. Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled they wanted to come to watch me sing and do a feature for the news. In the past I was chasing this stuff. Trying to continually get myself out there, but I learnt the month I took off when we first got put into lockdown, that I won’t be doing anymore pushing and forcing. The press guy had come to take photos of me singing (loved those photos), but when he sent them around to press people no one was interested. Surprised me a bit really. No forcing though. At least I got some cracking photos out of it. Most of the news is fear and doom and gloom. Keep everyone in fear about something. A member of the public called ‘Look North’, so again it was ‘the people’ who helped me. It was the same when I was putting my Julie Andrews show on and trying to get people in. Pay someone to help and they do nothing, and the people were the ones to really help me. People stood on the street with me giving out flyers and telling people about what I am doing. Honestly in the past I would have been ‘I’m going to be on the BBC’, but something has changed in me these last few months. I’m doing ‘me’ and if something wants to come that’s nice, but the main thing is I am singing to connect with the people, and not chase that opportunity to make it. Maybe this will be the thing that gets me out there etc……always waiting for someone else to make it happen and get my big break.

I did get some backlash for it though. The people from the BBC said ‘we have twenty minutes’ and they stayed for 50. They saw what I was doing. I was amazed at how many people came. Get in!!!!!! The more the merrier. People stayed in their groups and social distanced and the atmosphere was beautiful. Some people moaned about it though, but I don’t care. Saying I was breaking the rules. I know what I am doing for others. It comes from my heart and is a good thing. I am a good rebel. We need music and live music for our mental health and if anyone has a problem with it then so be it. Come to a concert and see the love we all create together. Be part of it.

I know I should have been in New York now. The other day I chatted to a friend there and felt really frustrated. Just the old patterns showing their ugly head and that fear of where will all this go. I’m grounded here now until things change. I wouldn’t want to be in New York now if I am honest. It won’t be the place I know it as being, and being here has taught me such a lot. More than I could ever have imagined. This whole thing has been such a learning curve on the inside. On the one hand I refuse to conform, but at the same time I have to have compassion for others trying to make it work for themselves. I absolutely refuse to wear a mask for anything and I heard about singing as potentially being seen as dangerous and I’m like ‘ffs, when do people draw the line?’ It’s one of the most natural things in the world, like breathing. I will not be stopping and I will not be wearing a mask to ever sing a note in.

I don’t want to put events on where there are so many rules in place that the sheer point of it all is ruined before it’s even started. The arts are on their arse right now. So many people out of work for however long. Seen as something you are doing wrong to want to sing ‘live’ to people. Well, I’m glad people are asking me to sing (good rebel and all that). I’ve sang for so many people these past few weeks. Each place helps me to grow in confidence and get deeper into my heart, when you see the smiles and people just happy to have something ‘live’ after months of being stuck inside. Getting people out of their houses.

So this is me. This is me, raw, up close and personal. The fighter, the warrior, the rebel, the lightworker. I’ve honestly never felt happier on the inside because I know I am doing essentially what I am here to do for people. Whether that’s in New York or anywhere else. The place doesn’t matter. All that matters is I am doing it. My dream is to sing for the masses and singing for the masses I am, and in my own way. I sang for Suzy the other week who had terminal cancer and she has now passed on. I am so glad she gave me the chance to sing for her and meet her. I’ve sang on streets.

Three ladies as a surprise yesterday for their birthdays, and for people who would never listen to this stuff if things were normal. I can only thank every person for getting in touch and asking me to sing for them. I am truly humbled to be at your service, and as I have Pavarotti on in the background (a true singer from the heart and for the people), maybe I’ll shed a tear too in a while. That man always get me.

For more info check out my website at http://www.iamnicolamills.com or follow me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/iamnicolamills/