I’m just back from a gig in Wimbledon where they sent me out of the room where they had intended me to sing, to sing in the corridor instead. They sent me an email listing what songs they wanted (I even learnt some new ones), and after my first song it was clear I was not so welcome now the guests wanted to chat. No one looked around anyway. Sang to myself. I went in the garden instead and thought ‘I’ll sing from here’. Oh noooo……one of the ladies has sensitive ear drums. ‘Can I not just modify it a bit?’ No…..my voice is my voice. I can’t just turn it down like a machine. I wasn’t even singing out because I knew by then I was just ‘in the way’.
They sent me into the lounge away from any of the people to sing in there so it could just travel through to the room they were all chatting in and not actually listening. Too busy talking their fake shit and bringing champagne in doing ‘mwah, mwah fake kisses. Then that was too far away, so I got plonked in the corridor to welcome the new people in who thought I was there to take their jackets and Prada bags and then direct them to the toilet mid song, when they interrupt me to ask where the toilet is. Absolutely no interest at all in anything I was singing. The guy was like ‘oh I hope you didn’t find that too disconcerting for you’.
Oh noooooooo. I love singing in corridors. I’ve always wanted to sing in a corridor with no one listening, feeling in the way. Just what I’ve dreamt my whole life of doing and all the hours of practise, to stand in a corridor out of the way of anyone actually having any chance to listen. Loved it. Living the dream. Pricks.
Part of me IS laughing because it was funny (you can’t write this stuff and it’s going with me on my gigs for a story to tell ‘the people’), and it’s the first time I’ve ever done a gig as my ‘opera for the people’ thing where I haven’t bonded with anyone there and all I’ve wanted to do was get out of there as fast as I can. On my way home I was like ‘Nick, you should have just got your stuff and walked out’. In future I will. I would rather sing for free for the homeless than sing for people like that, who have no idea and think you are just some hired help to sing at will when they click their fingers (I was good to sing happy birthday to a guest and then shunted back out again)’. Get to fuck.
Their romantic idea of having a ’live’ opera singer singing in their house was nothing like the reality. That money though will pay for a nice sparkly evening dress for my Julie show, and for that it was worth it.
Take the money and run. NEVER doing that again. Anyone treats me like shit again and I’m out the door. I only answer to myself so I can say ‘no thanks, not for me’.
Moving on…….. it’s been a lovely week. Working for the charity Lost Chord with two pianists. One in Coventry who I studied years back with at The Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama and one who I hadn’t met. We worked together in Cambridge. Bringing music to people with dementia. Both great days. Nice to work with Wai Sum again and chat. Her and her family were so kind to me. Feeding me and letting me stay.
Just really nice people and we did some lovely concerts. Bringing joy to people. I love that. It was the first time anyone had sang in Cambridge for this charity so we were introducing the homes to it. Just lovely to be in Cambridge.
What a lovely city. I’ve only ever been for a day before but we had the chance to walk around, see some sights, and were staying in students digs at Christs college. The rooms themselves are basic but the surroundings were worth it. Just lovely and so peaceful. It felt really nice to see inside and experience that.
We also went to a lovely wine shop where you pick whichever bottle you want off the shelf and then pay a corkage and can drink it there. I loved that. Not paying a wedge for one glass. Me and Gary got on well too. He’s on board for my Julie show when needed and will do the first one with me. I’m now contacting lots of theatres up and down the country to see where is interested in having it. A month ago I was burying my head in the sand not knowing how to do it and panicking a bit, but now I have my first one in the diary, I’m just looking online and taking recommendations from people. There are so many theatres out there. I never realised. There have to be some that say yes.
I feel change is coming. It’s time to be back in theatres and I want to be off the streets next year. I feel it is coming to an end. It’s time to move things up a notch, so I want to see what happens now. I was singing in Charing Cross station today and I got a great response. A lady came by who gave me her card.
She’s a casting agent in LA and says her friend is in New York. I expect nothing because I know how this business works. People talk the talk but only a few do something, but it will do me no harm to contact her and send her my stuff through. I really feel I have something to sell with my Julie show. I also found out about copyright. A lot of venues pay for the rights for songs to be performed in their theatres, and as long as I keep it nothing more than a cabaret concert version (don’t become a character, have a script, or wear costumes to mimic a character) I am covered. As soon as it becomes a ‘show show’ then it gets a lot more complicated. I don’t mind because in my mind it will be just what I wanted it to be anyway. Simple, quality, and about me and the music. Let that speak for itself. If I make sure the core is quality then it will work. All I need to do is be me. I also did get this through today after singing for a birthday party last weekend. That’s more like it. I feel pleased no one actually did take a photo because it means I must have kept them pretty entertained for an hour.
I feel excited by it. By the change I feel in my gut. I’m changing too. I’m valuing myself more. I’m seeing my worth and aiming high. Someone said ‘go for some church halls to sing it in’ and I thought ‘No. I want this in theatres’. I want the real deal. There are plenty of smaller venues out there. I just have it trust I’ll be ok with it all and I’ll work it all out. Step by step. It’s always a journey. Jesus. Sometimes I long for a ‘normal’ life.
I’ve got some good stuff coming up too. On Friday I sing for ‘Music for the Many’ in Todmorden and then I’m over in Belgium for a few days, and then back singing in Shepherds Bush. I hope I have an audience for that. It’s good to be doing stuff. I’ve enjoyed it this week. Not on the streets. I also got asked for a quote for a regular piano/opera slot in a nice hotel in Kings Cross. Just a quote but I would love to do that. Would love the chance to sing and be heard by the various different guests. Want that to happen.
I want change now. I’m ready for it. I want to be singing to proper audiences and to not just be always scraping the bottom of the barrel. I’ve given my all to singing and I want it go somewhere. I really really do…….
Follow me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/iamnicolamills/ and check out my website at www.iamnicolamills.com
Wow! You’re a trooper, Nicola! I would have probably have stayed too, though, just because if this is the first time something like this happens to you, you don’t even know HOW to respond. It’s only after having lived through it that you can decide that next time it would be better to walk out than to feel that way again. I am glad that you are having much more success in your other performances and ventures. As long as it keeps you smiling, keep singing!