It’s my last night in Nice, France. I came here for five days to work on my Julie Andrews show. I came here not really knowing what to expect from Stuart (my music man on the job), and I wanted to come back feeling better about it all and I’m thrilled that the music side of things is pretty much done.

I have the foundations for my show and the bare bones and core are done. All the music is arranged and joined together and it’s better than I could have hoped for. If I want to build on it I can in the future and I’m interested to see how it will grow. It was up and down and bouncing off each other and getting pissed off with each other and fighting our corners and him telling me what to do and me saying ‘I’ll just do what I want in the end’, but it was great to work together. Two strong creative people together, but we did have fun too. Both of us wanting it to work. I have to leave him to it now and he’ll write the score and I’m coming back for a few days at the beginning of November to tweak the final bits and get my score to bring home. He’s busy working on other stuff so has time to do it in October.

• 

He had a lovely apartment overlooking the promenade, beach and sea and we sat on his balcony chatting and drinking wine at the end of each day, so that in itself was amazing. He’s worked for Cameron Mackintosh, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Stephen Sondheim etc…..because he worked in the West End for years. He’s a friend of one of my good friends so that’s how it happened and I feel lucky to have got someone to do it for me who was on the same page. He was a diva at times (can never tell him that, shhhhhhh), but if I get my show at the end of it just let the diva reign. There were times when I was going through it with him and had tears in my eyes at the sheer joy to think I get to sing this stuff after loving it for years.

Not to get too ahead of myself. The next step is sorting out the right title, poster (I’m now starting to take pictures of posters I see to get ideas), places to perform it (no use if I have nowhere to actually sing it), and a demo video together so I can market it to get to perform it somewhere. No idea how to do this yet and not much I can do with that until I get the score, but I can plan my dialogue and start working out what I want to do on stage with it and any props I might need. I just keep thinking once I have the music though it’s ‘my’ show and I have it. The hills are alive with a spoonful of sugar and a bit of do,re,mi and the list goes on. Will I even get copyright to do it? I don’t even know. It’s all new territory. It was weird too. Singing musical theatre stuff is different to opera and I need to find my feet with that too. As time goes on I feel less and less like an opera singer in my mind but I know I’m not a musical theatre singer so I just have to find my way of doing it and my voice and trust that that will work.

I don’t have to fit in with anyone else’s way of doing things. This is about doing it my way and learning to trust that my ideas are good. There will always be someone who wants to criticise. I sang in Bolton last week and a woman just came up to me and interrupted me mid song and told me I was singing that certain bit from La Traviata wrong and an opera singer had told her once it needed to be a certain a way (she demonstrated even though she wasn’t a singer) and then told me if I wanted to be really good I had to do that. Ok then love. Thanks for that. She walked off pretty happy with herself, and even though I was annoyed deep down it does get it me. I am a strong person but I am also very sensitive and really very soft inside. My bark is certainly worse than my bite.

I get it all the time. People thinking they need to offer me singing advice or career advice. I hear ‘you should’ so often, and ‘you should do Britain’s got talent’. I don’t think people can quite comprehend that I am choosing to sing on the street and do it ‘my way’ because it makes me happier. I was in Manchester before I flew out on Tuesday and had a brilliant session.

Loads of kids stopped and sat on the bollards opposite where I was and I was just shown so much appreciation (posted about on ‘Mint Manchester’), and then you get a buzz doing it.

I can get some funny looks and sometimes wonder why I do it. When the police stop me and enforcement officers come up to check my speaker and I just think ‘I’m sick of this shit’. Sick of singing on the streets……a part of me is tired of it. I want change. I want to be working more. It’s been good working this week. I’ve been busier and really using my ideas so a part of me is ready for change. I’m doing all this to bring about change because I want more than just being a busker. I want so much more……

and I want audiences who are coming to listen to me rather than standing somewhere and hoping people respond to it.

The one thing I want to stress here is that I’ve really developed a way of living so that I don’t have anyone else telling me what to do. That’s just how I want it to be. I want to think for myself and live ‘my’ life and work it out myself. It’s nice to get advice from people but being told what to do is a different thing and I don’t respond well to it. I’m not saying I never want others to help me, but I need to trust who I am and that my ideas and thoughts matter and work, and that’s why I need to rely on myself and what my gut instinct tells me. It makes me stronger inside.

So it’s back to Hebden Bridge tomorrow. I’m enjoying my country living and the sense of security it brings me having a home to come home to. I know at some point I’ll be ready to move on again but for now it’s good.

I walk on the tops to watch the sunset and have picked loads of wild blackberries (have to get back out again now this week) and have made jam from them. I’m all clogged up with baguette (me and baguette have a love affair) and have indulged in some French wine and cheese, and been in the sea a few times. Apart from it being virtually impossible to walk on the stones on the beach (OMG. I had a group of French women laughing at me the first day I did it with obvious tourist written on my forehead). Today I just slid down on my bum and kept nudging myself further in the water so I didn’t have to walk on them, but it’s not really such a bad problem to have. Not like what BJ has done to Britain. Well it’s not just him is it? Will I even be able to return to Nice easily in November, or will they have totally cut off any kind of interactions with anyone not on our small little island? Whoever even started any hints of Brexit needs shooting.

I’m learning how to get myself more balanced. I’m learning to sometimes put myself first before singing. I planned to sing on the streets in Nice but then thought I just can’t be bothered.

Just drink wine and fuck it for a few days. Fuck it. Sit on my backside on a beach before and after working with Stuart, drink wine during the day, eat baguette and cheese to my hearts content, not care about my future and whether I will ever get to perform anywhere beyond a street….and will my Julie show go anywhere? Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. Apparently despite the squeaky clean image, Julie also loved to swear and so do I.

And now I’ve run out of things to say. I’ll get a couple more hours in on the beach tomorrow before my flight leaves, bring a baguette home with me (and clog myself up some more), and then face reality again. Back out on the streets on Monday…….

My website is www.iamnicolamills@hotmail.com

My Facebook and Instagram pages are Nicola Mills Opera for the People.