Hi Everyone,

This trip is about going with the flow. I knew this was the only way I could do it this time as I, myself have no real solutions but I’m letting the Star Wars Yoda style ‘force’ lead me on. I think it’s much wiser than I am.

I’ve not had to think too much about things. I’ve had a couple of days where I’m like ‘so ok, wtf am I doing here then (stuck in a fear and panic that takes over for as long as it lasts)? I am doing the same thing here as I could be doing in the UK so why am I here, but little things happen that take the fear away and I’m back.

I’m much more grounded this time and centred in what I actually want. I know I don’t want to do straight opera. I don’t have the heart or the fight to spend an hour working on a couple of phrases, trying to reach perfection to present myself to opera companies hoping someone gives me a role somewhere. Not for me. I just don’t care enough. My focus is on ‘what can I do with my singing to bring joy and use it to help others?’ What do I really want to sing for people? Crossover. The popular stuff. Julie Andrews etc….. I want to do a Julie Andrews show. I want to do this soooooooo much. It’s been there for a couple of years now and I did do a night of ‘Julie for the people’ last year in the UK.

This was why I was in Philadelphia yesterday. I got to see something apart from New York so I found it pretty exciting. I travelled the night before, stayed on one of the coolest streets there (South Street). I had an audition/meeting with a Belgian conductor who I had contacted months ago. I’ll tell you the real story, as crazy as it may sound, but this is true. A friend of mine in Belgium is a medium but also does trance mediumship and she channels a Native American Indian called Red Cloud. Since 2014 he’s been giving me advice and I have chatted to him in about 6 sessions and in the last one he gave me the name of the guy I met yesterday. I was shocked when I looked him up to see that he actually does exist and never thought I would hear back from him, but I did. I told the guy the story too and he couldn’t believe it either. Told by a Native American Indian from the grave. I have to say his guidance has kept me going at times. Knowing that I am on the right path and that things will work out even if I see no way of it happening at the moment. That reassurance has kept me sane on this journey amidst the crippling fear at times.

The next part of the jigsaw puzzle came about. I’m not established enough to work with any well known orchestras yet (getting the ‘yet’ in there), but he loved my Julie Andrews idea and this is why he wanted to meet me. He heard me sing and then we chatted for an hour about what I can do to get this off the ground. He also liked my ‘a Soprano and a suitcase’ idea and just gave me really good, solid advice about what to do next with it. My mind was full after that. How can I get it off the ground? Who I can ask to help me. I need to make some calls and see who might be interested but I’m also scared too. To ask in case they say no, but another Belgian friend said to me years back ‘you already have a no if you don’t ask’. The guy yesterday also warned me that others may try to steal my idea so to be very careful with that, but I was so appreciative that he took all that time with me. Not normal in this profession. As we were saying goodbye he said ‘look who I’m working with at the moment (not in a get me ego style). Just showed me a photo of him and Anthony Hopkins. I said ‘it’s a good job I hadn’t heard of you or else I would never have had the courage to contact you’. Jesus. A lovely guy to have met.

I have some work to do now but it’s the stuff I want to do so I will find a way to do it. The next part of the jigsaw of carving out more and more of MY thing. I was praying last night for the help and guidance to make these things happen. ‘Bring me the right people, and help me create the right thing and get the funding for it’. Continually stepping into new territory. Always ‘how do I do this?’

I had a few extra hours in Philadelphia before I got the bus back so I went to see the steps were Rocky was filmed. I was all ‘the eye of the tiger’ and all that, feeling buoyed and energised by the meeting I’d just had. I’m also proud that I just work out buses, places to stay, finding my way round in new place after new place. That doesn’t really scare me. Exciting more than anything.

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Things are unfolding. I’m going to an open mic night tonight with someone who came to my show last time I was here. We kept in touch and he invited me tonight. A chance to meet more people and last night I was out seeing my friend sing in her show and got chatting to some people there who invited me for coffee and a bite to eat next week. Just from chatting. That’s how NY is? People are nosy and like to know about you and tell you about them. It means it’s easy to bond. On the bus last night I saw the skyline of Manhattan and was like ‘it feels like home’. Coming home.

Another chance meeting last time I was here sat me next to a filmmaker in a bar who offered to make a documentary of me when I was back. He came to film me with his friend this week at Verdi Sq. Sirens all around and the noises of the city but I got some good reactions too,

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My weekends are about being out singing. Friday and Sunday in the park and Saturday afternoon at 72nd st if I want to. Check out this lovely moment there this week whilst I was waiting. All these kids just stopped and started to sing…..

I think it’s nice to have some kind of routine as it keeps me grounded. I’m also finding more balance now too. Not being here, there and everywhere like a headless chicken. I’m taking time to take care of me and not get too tired. NY can exhaust you so I’m really aware of it this time and if I’m honest it’s easier to go with the flow. Biggest lesson in trust too. I choose now to protect my energy so that when I do go out and sing I can really shine and give out good energy. That’s a choice I’ve made.

WITH THE FLOW I MUST GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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