Hi Everyone,

I’m in my new place which is still in Brooklyn but in a place called Flatbush this time.

It’s my 23rd home this year which when I think about it feels like nuts but I’ve chosen this this year and at least I’ve got to see some different places and live with different people. I’ve struck gold again. I’m in another nice place (my room is huge) with friendly housemates. I chat to David a lot who is from Kansas and a model and artist, who’s been in New York for three months. Always interesting to see how others are doing things and share stories.

This is a Caribbean area this time so there are loads of good little places to eat. I need some insider info though so Akeem, my housemate from my last place is going to come over as he’s originally from Trinidad and show me some ‘real’ food. I also met another woman in Central Park originally from China and she’s going to show me round Chinatown. I love that. New York is a really a city where you can MEET people and from singing I’ve met loads of people here. I went round Chinatown the other week with a friend and there’s so much food there I’ve never seen before and I said I’d love to be shown around by someone who knows, and voila, my wish came true. I’m also going to the theatre tonight with a woman from the North of England who I met whilst I was singing in the park. I have to say without singing on the streets I wouldn’t have experienced so many different places, people and things and it’s definitely enriched my life in ways I could never have imagined and even got me over to New York. One lovely thing that happened recently was from singing in Verdi Sq. It’s just outside 72nd St subway and that seems to be a spot where lots happens. It’s really creative and I was singing there a lot the last few weeks to try and promote my show (I DID MY OWN SHOW PEOPLE!!!! IN NYC!!!!!). It’s where I met Rhoda, who introduced me to Norma who introduced me to lots more people. I met my friend Eilin there, the agent heard me there, I got work in a Senior Center from there and I met a retired couture dress designer who wanted to give me a shawl as a gift for singing ‘Vissi d’arte’ from Tosca for her.

‘Dear Nicola. We met at Verdi Sq a week ago. I drifted by with a friend of mine and we couldn’t tear ourselves away from your performance. I watched people pour out of the subway station and gravitate towards your voice. It was a marvelous interaction to see. I am a retired designer who has dressed many of the world class performing artists over a thirty year span. From the looks of your website you have a variety of ‘looks’ from classic recital to sporting casual. I have a black mesh top sprinkled with bling that knocks one out. In the interest of artistic relations I would make a gift of it to you with thanks simply for singing Tosca’s aria in the park that day.’

How lovely is that? I’m also humbled by the kindness of people. Nobody has to stop and give anything so when people do it’s because they want to and I am learning to receive more and more. The shawl is so beautiful too. I sat and listened to her story, she showed me photos of opera singers she had dressed over the years and showed me some dresses she still has left in her wardrobe. The attention to detail is stunning.

Sooooooooooooooooo, I did my show last Saturday. ‘A Soprano and a Suitcase’. This time last week my tummy was in knots with excitement and fear. With no time to rehearse it at the theatre except on the day itself I had no idea if the things I had practised in my room would work. This is one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done. Not the show itself. Once on the stage I’m just being me and telling my story, but the lead up to it trying to get people in to see it. I sang at so many things to promote myself and there were only 14 tickets sold on the day itself. The theatre had a minimum of 50 people as a requirement as they get their money from people buying drinks so if there was a shortfall it fell on my shoulders. The few days before I wished I wasn’t doing it at all and it hit me that I was putting a show on in New York. ‘What the hell was I thinking of?’ ‘Really, what was I thinking of doing this?’ I was ready to flop with a few people in the audience and lose a lot of money and was thinking things like ‘who’s interested in my story anyway?’. I had done something too soon. The night before I woke up in the night with a headache (I rarely get headaches) and literally thought I was going to be sick. This is the stuff that goes on behind the scenes.

But people turned up on the day. They paid on the door. People I had met in the park months back who I had emailed, friends, friends of friends, people from the places I had sang at, people from my Monday night soup kitchen thing, my agent. The place was full. I went from thinking I would have a few watching to almost filling the place. David, the pianist was saying ‘Nick, you’ve done really well. I know people who have lived here years and can’t get as many people in as this.’ Well done me then. I was so proud and the show went really well. I couldn’t have asked for it to go any better under the circumstances as what it did. My story worked, my songs worked and people enjoyed it. Win win all around and what a flipping relief. Now I can hold my head high, be proud and say ‘I put my own show on in New York’. I was real and showed people who I really am and I am proud of the courage I show even when I am terrified too. This was a comment on Facebook from someone:

I’ve got four weeks left before I go back to the UK and this trip has been very different to my last one. I’ve learnt a lot about people and being here and how things really work and it’s not been about having a nice time and singing in the park. It’s been about having a nice time, and a shitty time, and getting on the rollercoaster, and trusting and not knowing what the hell I am doing, and thinking shitty thoughts about myself, and learning who is really in my life and trying now to get to a different level so I can move onto the next chapter. Coachings have begun and four weeks in I again think I am a terrible singer, but part of me thinks ‘good, I can work on getting better then. Someone is telling what I need to do to improve.’ I shut myself away all morning practising new pieces for an audition in 10 days and working some technical stuff out that is really hard to do and I’m not coming out until I feel better about it. I did an interview this week in a studio and sang some songs at the end. They do the chatting first and then the singing at the end and by the 7th song I was just tired and sang the last note awfully but knew I was ‘done’ too. I learnt to know how to deal with these things and not do 7 songs one after the other. I just hope noone listens to that one. I need to stop pushing for things and to stop forcing things out of fear that things won’t happen and start allowing and trusting and enjoying myself. I need to have more fun so I donned my halloween costume (the Americans know how to do Halloween), went to party and just enjoyed not thinking about singing for a while. Instead of recording my show I used the money for buying a ticket to see Elton John next week at Madison Sq Gardens. He’s been my favourite since I was a kid and I just know I would have kicked myself if I hadn’t gone to see him in his Farewell Tour. Last chance and all that.  Forget always putting everything I have into singing. There has to be a balance, so that’s where I am right now. I’m working hard, I’m not knowing what will happen and I’m preparing myself for going back to the UK and the work I have there waiting for me, but I’m seeing friends and making sure I do some good stuff for me too. I’ll be singing for Disney, be back over in Belgium and am organising the advertising for my gigs back home that I am putting on. Hebden Bridge on the 19th December people (flyers to follow in a week or so).

If you want to know more follow me on Facebook and follow me on Instagram and my website is www.iamnicolamills.com